Help! Second time!

I can relate somewhat to your situation. My heart goes out to you! Let me share a litte bit about my own situation. Hopefully it will help.

The last month has been an extreme emotional roller coaster for me and for my husband. Three weeks ago we went in for a routine prenatal appointment. My ob/gyn gave us the option of whether to do blood tests for defects. We debated, but decided to go ahead with the tests (we were thinking mostly just to reassure ourselves that everything was okay). A few days later I received a call from the doctors office. They said that the blood tests didn’t indicate birth defects, but my hormone levels were high which could indicate a miscalculated due date or a multiple pregnancy. She wanted me to have an ultrasound done ASAP. We were excited but terribly scared at the prospect of twins (or more). The ultrasound showed that we were having only one baby. We left the ultrasound appointment thinking that everything was okay.

The next morning I got a call from my ob/gyn. The ultrasound report sent by the radiologist indicated that it appeared that there might be some abnormal brain development and she wanted me to see a high-risk ob/gyn for more ultrasounds. We were hoping the first scan was a fluke, but the second scan showed problems. The brain ventricles measured 12, 8 would be normal for the stage I was at. The doctor indicated that he thought there was hydrocephalus- fluid building up on the brain. He warned about cranial swelling and warned that there could be risks of miscarriage or premature delivery and there could be the possibility of severe mental damage and low outlook for survival. I felt like my heart had been ripped out. When he asked if we were thinking about terminating the pregnancy I just started sobbing.

My husband and I have decided to accept this pregnancy and to accept our little son no matter what, so abortion was not an option for us. However I can understand the inner turmoil about what life would be like for such a child and how to care for such a child. These are not easy issues to deal with, and this has affected parts of my outlook about the entire pro-life pro-choice debate. The doctor also did an amniocenticis to check for chromosomal abnormalities and said he wanted to do bi-weekly ultrasounds to monitor the pregnancy. He said that not much could be done to improve the situation until after birth, when the child would need surgery for a shunt in his skull to drain fluid.

We went home and prayed and our family and friends prayed..what else could we do? Also did research as to how we would care for a child with disabilities. It seems that God has been listening to our prayers. At the last appointment we found out that the amnio results were normal and the brain ventricles had not grown, but had actually decreased in size. Also it appeared that the brain was growing into the space. He said he still wants to monitor things closely, but things are looking much closer to normal and he feels optimistic. I thought about how it would have been easy for me to have panicked and decided to abort my perfectly healthy baby son. I wonder how many healthy babies were needlessly aborted due to predicted defects. I’m currently at about 21 weeks and we are continuing to hope and pray for the best.

I don’t know about the risks about multiple abortions within a short time period, but there are physical risks to any abortion. Do you know that there are developmental problems with this baby? Also even if the child will be handicapped, consider giving life to the child. I know children with disabilities that are happy and blessings to all around them. Best Wishes.

Kate

Post edited by: Julie, at: 2005/10/11 00:48

Kathy,

I resent the implications that my posts or advice is just another "glib voice" from someone who doesn’t care. I think my situation and post were extremely valid and legitimate and I do care about both mother and child. In my original post I had stated that J shouldn’t feel guilty about her first abortion and that if she ever needed to talk she could email me anytime (however that part was edited out by the moderators). I will not be there physically to help care for her child, but I will be here for emotional support. I would wager that you will not be there physically to help console and deal with the pain and grief of abortion so your logic doesn’t really hold water.

I completely understand that the first abortion was a very difficult choice and I completely understand where she is coming from. And trust me I do. Do you think that when I heard that my son might be severely handicapped and might not live more than a few days I didn’t think about what would be best for him? for me? for our family? Don’t you think that I considered whether bringing him to life would be selfish if he was to suffer? Don’t you also think that I thought about the difficulties abour caring for such a child? The thought scares me out of my mind. Also I thought that it would be tragic and selfish to jump to conclusions and terminating the pregnancy and my child’s life out of fear or before the full scope of problems were known. All these thoughts went through my head. These emotions and experiences were very real – not some glib response!!!!

I’m not saying that abortion is wrong in all situations. I believe that human life begins at conception, and abortion is wrong in many situations. However the issue is not black and white. There are a lot of very real and difficult situations that are very much shades of gray. A woman should never be in a situation where she is mandated to sacrifice her life or carry a child to term if it would pose severe health risks to her. Also in some cases where fetal deformities and damage are so extreme abortion may seem like a more kind option for the child than a life of pain.

In my case I am glad that we waited and decided to continue the pregnancy because it looks like things are turning around and getting better. This may not be the case for all or even most situations, and things could still take a turn for the worse in my own case. It may well be that it will be difficult for me to face the consequences of choosing to bring this child to life. I remain optimistic and I still stand behind my advice to J to find out more about the pregnancy before jumping to abortion. I would advise her to listen to her doctors, I would advise her to consider her own needs, and I would encourage her to consider her child’s situation and needs.

Kate