HOME Hot Topics Girl Zone Need Advice HELP…please!

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      i just found out on monday that i am pregnant (about 5 weeks). I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we’ve lived together for 2 years. I’m 22 and he’s 27. I was off birth control for about 3 months because my insurance was all messed up, and during that time he told me he wanted me to get pregnant. he even asked one time during sex if i thought i could get pregnant and asked me to not get up right away after we were done so the sperm could stay. well i didn’t get pregnant that time, but a about a month later i’m pregnant. and now he says he wants me to get an abortion. he told me he realized “we’re not ready” and instead wants to get married and wait 2 more years before having a child. Although i know we may not be 100% ready, i know we could do this and i don’t want to get an abortion. he told me that if i kept the child that he would resent me later in life because i didn’t give him the time he needed. i feel so betrayed because he led me to believe that if i got pregnant we would be ok and start a family, but now that it’s happened he has suddenly changed his mind and wants me to get an abortion that i don’t want to get. my only options are to keep the baby and him resent me, or me resent myself and have to live with the regret and loss for the rest of my life. but i’m not sure if i could raise a baby on my own. because of what he’s done to me i don’t feel i a would be emotionally stable to raise a child without him. because i’ve been with him for so long and i love him, i feel like it would be so hard to raise his child if he doesn’t stand up to his responsiblility. someone please help! what would you do?


        I will be painfully honest with you…. Life doesn’t work that way he can’t just say im ready to make a life change and then once it happens bow down. In my opinion that shows you what kind of a person he is. You have to follow your heart on this one..but know that you could raise that baby on your own if you had to. A lot of the girls on this site are your age and younger and have done it. Kids are not something you can just decide you want and then change your mind. I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide to do. Jessica


          My first thought is maybe he’s scared. Maybe the fact that what he was trying actually happened just totally shocked him. But really, if he’s that scared now, he could get more scared in the future. But that may not happen like that at all. Take him for your first ob appointment and let him see the first ultrasound, trust me, it’s amazing and he may have a change of heart. Either way, no matter how he feels, it’s your child too, and you’re carrying it and it’s up to you to decide what’s best for you and the baby. Abortion will have lifetime regret and I would never want to feel such guilt just because my bf got cold feet. If you do keep it and he splits and you honestly feel you can’t do it, adoption is a great thing. But really, I think you can handle it and I know the love between a mother and her child is far stronger than a man can provide. I think you’ll be just fine and he will be too. You should tell him how important he is to you and how you feel about that child. I believe all things happen for a reason and if you have faith in God, you should pray about it. Good luck and be strong.


            Ooooh, tough situation! That’s pretty bad of him to first want to get you pregnant and then tell you to get an abortion!
            Here’s the thing… if he’s immature enough to resent you for having his child instead of “giving him the time he needs”, getting rid of the baby won’t make him stay with you or not resent you.
            If you really aren’t ready to raise a child, you could always look into adoption. That way you could still not have to deal with a baby for two years, but you wouldn’t have to loathe yourself for killing your baby.
            Getting an abortion is NOT a good option. ESPECIALLY if he’s the one that’s pushing you to get one when you don’t want to.
            I know that you love your bf, but you need to do what is best for your baby and for you. If you kill your baby you will regret it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.
            I know that it’s a really hard decision to make, but if you read around on this site a little more you will find that abortion really only destroys… it destroys the baby, it destroys you, it destroys your relationships etc.
            Giving life to your baby will cause a strain on your relationship, but if it is meant to last it will, and you will be able to live your life knowing that you were strong enough to keep your baby in spite of the odds.
            I know that you have a lot going on, but I hope that your boyfriend comes around.
            Let us know what you decide!


              I’m so sorry about your situation. I know this is a really tough decision for you, but you need to do what your heart is telling you to. If you don’t want to get an abortion, then don’t. You will have to live with regrets and the “what-ifs” the rest of your life. I’m 17 right now, and I have a five month old son. I’m still with the father, but even if he would have left, I still would have kept my baby. Also, my cousin is 19 and she is raising her son all by herself, and she’s doing just fine. Her and her son are both happy and healthy. If you decide to keep the baby, you can do it. It will be hard but it may just be the best decision of your life. The choice is up to you and no one else. Keep us updated on what you decide. *hugs*

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