Girls just let me rant

I don’t know if anyone will reply, but if you have good advice please feel free to reply.
I’m just going to have a rant. One of my best freinds just left me — he told me he can’t be my friend anymore because he loved me and I didn’t answer his love, and then what I ddi afterwards — and I don’t blame him.
I have spent the whole night crying non-stop, I didn’t know I had so many tears in me. It’s nearly morning, my son will wake in an hour, so I can’t call any of my friends, plus, it’s easier over the net, I’m just ranting to the internet in a way….
I cried non-stop that I had lost his friednship. But what feels worse is that isn’t what mattered to me most.
What I cried most about was the secrets he told me before he sadi goodbye i love you but this is our final goodbye to me. It’s got to do with my son’s father’s mate, and how I messed aroudn with him. Being my neighbour, once we discovered we lived near each other, no matter our relation, we hit it off. I guess I wasn’t in a relationship but we did the dirty a few times. I fell in love with him wihtout even admitting it to myself. Point is, actually it’s only tonight I figured it out, after my friend told me that he had told him that I was HIS — that is, DOn’t TOUCH her, I like her. I nearly vomited. That is what hurts the most — I’d kicked him out of my house when I decided to be celibate and he kept on wanting to kiss me all the time, and here I was confronted with the fact that he wasn’t just using me.
I’m dating another guy right now. I have a problem staying faithful; it’s become a pathology, and that’s why I stayed single for so long.
I’m so scared I’ll make the same mistakes with the this guy again.
I can’t seem to let my neighbour go…I only realised that, I cried my eyes out not so much that I HAD LOST A BEST FREIND but HOW MY NIEGHOBUR FELT ABOUT ME HOW CAN THAT BE?!?!?! Selfish. I can’t seem to let him go, nor my son’s father, who was my first love.
I don’t want to hurt this new guy I’m dating. I have the biggest phobia of getting hurt again.
That’s my rant. I’m gonna go have a shower now, looks like tonight is full of tears and sufficiently no sleep.:blink: