fighting the saddness

life has just gotten so confusing. Lately I just feel like such an idiot for believing everything he said to me. Im 9 months pregnant with a little boy. my due date was yesterday but he doesnt look like hes going to come since im not dialated or effaced what so ever. I found out i was pregnant about a month after the babys father was deployed. At first he promised to be there and that we would make it through this together. after being over seas for a little bit his attutude totally changed and he became a really bitter confused person. like an idiot i would make excuses for his mean phone calls trying to tell myself i was being understanding of his situation. the truth is he wasnt at all being understanding of mine. he never would ask about how the baby was doing or how i was doing. when i met him he was stationed in maine but he was originally from ohio. i ended up having to move back to connecticut to my parents house due to financial stress. we planned that once he got back he only had a month left in maine before his discharge then we would move to ohio. his mood swings got so severe i started dreading his phone calls because i never knew what mood he was going to be in… one minute hed love me, the next hed think i was cheating..the next hed want to be a dad and then in another hed tell me to give our baby away. these calls hurt so bad but i just used to remind myself who he was before he left. i thought he would be fine when he got back. i couldnt have been more wrong. when he got back he promised every weekend he would come visit me, and every weekend i sat there disappointed. whats even worse is that he would have mood swings and at times be down right mean and then blame it on me… i was hormonal apparently or something.. meanwhile i was like a sad little dog.. i never once voiced my oppinions or let him know that his behavior was unacceptable. i just told myself i was being understanding. then the phone calls became fewer and the text messages got meaner and more conflicting.. and i didnt dare call him because then hed accuse my 1 in 3 day call of being clingy. but he would be mean, then ide get a call saying hes sorry and were still going to work this out..and he wants to be a dad… then 3 days later hed be mean again and so on and so on. so hes in ohio and about a week before my due date he tells me he has a girlfriend and hes changing his number and pretty much he wants nothing to do with our son or me. I really should have seen this comming. i have never cried so much in my life. i just cant help but feeling alone and uncertain right now. whats worse is that he really went out of his way to be mean about it. i go through waves of emotion.. one minute i want him back the next i hate his guts the next im crying because i feel innadequet as a mother because of all these emotional acorbats. i just dont know how to get a grip on this… and then my baby being overdue makes me sad too. i sometimes feel as if he comes i could move on with the rest of my life instead of just waiting. i feel like im going crazy, how do you suddenly adjust to being a single parent and healing a broken heart in a week? i want to be able to be a good mother to my son, i feel horrible that hes starting out his life in such a sad situation. ugh…thanks for listening guys, sorry so long