Could I be pregnant?! I’m so not ready for this…

Hello. Sorry this is so long…

I’m 17 years old, and just a week ago I lost my virginity to my 19 year old boyfriend of two years. I just knew we were ready, but the thing is, I was pretty stupid and we didn’t use a condom. The thing is, I’m not ignorant about condoms and contraceptives, etc…I just…didn’t want to use a condom my first time and I’m not on birth control. I figured it would hurt enough the first time without adding some piece of rubber in between.

I know I guess that’s poor rationality, but I did it and now I’m worried. It’s been about a week since I first had sex with him and he did not ejaculate in me, but I’ve heard people speak about pre-cum, etc. We did not even do it for that long or anything.

But anyways, the thing I’m concerned about is that now all of a sudden, I am spotting–I’m having a tiny bit of bright red blood that kind of seems mucus-like instead of runny like my normal bleeding. The thing is, I really don’t recall ever bleeding or spotting before my period. My period is due in at least two weeks from now. Could this be implantation spotting? 😯

Do you suppose I’m freaking out over nothing? I’m scared to get a pregnancy test because I don’t want my mother to see. Right now I live with my mother and I’m also a non-residential student at this program called Job Corps. I’m thinking that if I were to be pregnant, at least I would not be left out to dry–at job corps, you can stay in the program up to 7 months of your pregnancy and then you take a temporary leave to have your child, and then you come back to continue on to get your high school diploma and your trade or whatever you came there for. I’m in Job Corps for a diploma and a trade of course…and they also have child care meaning they send money home every month to take care of your child which I think is great.

And my boyfriend is in college, he has two jobs, and his own appartment. I think he’s very responsible, but if I were to be pregnant, I wouldn’t want to put even more pressure on him, even though he is an absolutely phenomenal guy…he’s so special, he really is. I just know that he would stick through this with me if I turned out pregnant. He’s always talking about how me wants me to have his kids but you know I’m really not ready for this…

Mainly because I don’t currently have a job myself, and all of the pressures in society about having to be married, and the stigmatisms of teenage mothers, [ ] , etc. etc. I hate when people say "illegitimate" child, as if any human being is illegitimate… But my plan was definately to be married before having kids…

Uggh, I’m just ranting, I’m so nervous right now I’m shaking I don’t know what to do! My goodness I would have no problem even if I was pregnant, just all of the societal pressures and perceptions of teen mothers is what really irks me! Along with my family’s reaction and my boyfriend’s family’s reaction!

But I don’t even know if I’m pregnant or not so maybe all of this that I’m typing is a waste? 😕 My goodness it was my FIRST TIME EVER having sex and we only did it ONCE and it wasn’t even that long at all! And he did NOT ejaculate inside of me! Oh god I’m freaking out…