Broken and Hating it

I’ve never been good with expressing my feelings. I’ve been told I am a incredible writer, yet when it comes to personal experiences….well I suck.

I was with this guy for a year and a half and I’ve always looked forward to being pregnant. It was something I dreamed about and I couldn’t wait to be a mother. My exboyfriend and I talked about it, and he wasn’t ready. I completely understand and respect him for that. Not too long after, I missed my period. An extremely rare occurance for me. I had a lot of the symptoms and I told him I thought I might be pregnant. He didn’t take it well, at all. He said it wasn’t possible and was absolutely livid with me. The next day I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I couldn’t tell him. He wasn’t ready to be a father and I didn’t want to put him in that position. I told him the test was negative. His relief couldn’t have been more obvious. A month later I miscarried. We broke up in September. He never knew, and it’s been eating at me ever since.
I wanted that baby so badly.