Boyfriends Family!

I know how it feels to have someone else push their thoughts, opinions, beliefs, expectations down your throat….I guess that is why when I share I try to do it in a way of suggesting with no expectation…we all need to make our own choices, we will have successes and failures but we will survive and learn form the things that didn’t turn out so well…it is not her job to tell you how to eat or what to drink or how to prepare for your baby, offering advice could be second nature especially if she has kids, we all do that here on Standupgirl too…once you have kids you naturally want to share what you know with someone who has not bee there yet, but she still needs to respect you and offer encouragement in a nice and helpful manner…I am on a middle/neutral ground here so I want you to just hear me out before you make a judgment call on me…I used to HATE people that went to church, they made me feel judged and looked down on and when I was pregnant with my daughter I would purposely dress in a way that would offend churchgoers..LOL…I would have my huge unwed belly hanging out for the world to see and I have a huge fairy tattoo on it…LOL…I wanted to give them a reason to give me the looks I got…however I did stop smoking and drinking and all the rest and I assume you have too, if not then that was your choice whether healthy or not and you will have to deal with that and no one else has to judge you for it…just because your family smokes or drinks doesn’t make them bad people, but you do need to look out for your baby’s health once he/she is born…my sons dad just recently stopped smoking, I am glad, my son would come home smelling like smoke and cough for like 3 solid days, it is not good for his lungs, when he is old enough to choose whether he smokes or not then that is his deal but until then I would rather not have him exposed to smoke…did I judge his dad…no…but I also didn’t like him smoking around our son…same with the drinking…more of a safety issue, is he going to be in a car with a drunk driver or get dropped or be in a house with a drug raid??? It is very hard having a child with someone who sees things different than you…it doesn’t mean one parent is better than the other it just means you see out of different eyes….this is your child and his sister should back off but when you are living there it gives her "claim" (in her own eyes) to boss you around, and or she is trying to teach you or encourage you in a way that is offensive rather than helpful…Your boyfriend needs a job, that is for sure but in the meantime have you applied for WIC, or food stamps, have you checked out maternity homes or womens shelters?? There is a ton of help out there, and also for you to set your mind at ease…99% of the time they will not take the baby from the mom, they don’t like to do that…the court normally doesn’t look at moral issues, it is not illegal to smoke or drink or have too many animals in a house with a child…if there is abuse or neglect or repettative illness as a result then issues will come up but as long as you are doing your best and the only housing option you have is with your family who smokes and drinks and had a few pets then the court normally will not take the child away from the mom…now the thing you have to consider is do you want to expose your child to those living conditions, you are looking at possible athsma or other breathing problems, are they willing to smoke outside?? Will you have a room of your own that you can keep clean of animal hair?? You can choose to live differently then the people you live with….I hate hearing of "churchgoing" people who like to judge and tear down and slander those who are not "clean, sober, smoke free, etc…" the reason is because it was those kind of "churchgoers" that kept me out of church for so long…I finally met some true believers, not just people who go to church and point out others faults…they helped me understand that not all people who go to church are Christians…going to the garage doesn’t make you a car either, going to Burger King doesn’t make you a Whopper…Don’t let this sister push you away from the One who will never judge you, don’t let her ruin the good names of many "churchgoers" who are there to love and help and encourage in a helpful way…you would be surprised how well you would be received in a good church and how nice it is to have a place to go to feel free form the problems in life like this sister is creating for you…just because someone goes to church doesn’t mean the court will let them take your baby…and it is an absolute shame and disgrace to the rest of us who do go to church to hear of a cold woman like this who is hindering you from the good things that God wants for you and to put you down in order to make herself feel better…you don’t need someone like that in your life and if your boyfriend can’t deal with that then you need to move on and do what is best for you and baby…even if that means living in a house where people smoke for a couple of months…like I said it is not physically healthy but sometimes it is better to be emotionally and spiritually healthy then to have a physically good environment…I am here to talk anytime without pointing a finger…I would have 3 pointing back at me anyways and this sister needs to realize that too…please look up maternity homes near you or call a womens shelter, they can be a great place to start fresh, but make sure you find the right one…Love Meg.. meg@standupgirl.com

First off there are alot of programs that can assist you if you are willing to get a place on your own, you can get paid for living arangements, food, clothing, and protection for your baby. Second,in regards to your family, I think its just a security, your boyfriends family may be scared that you may leave them for your family leaving them in the gutter in regards to your baby. Grandparents are very possesive of there little ones, and of course they cant help but worry if there going to see the baby enough. Personally i would spend time with both of them, let your mother know how you feel about her smoking. I have two roomates that i live with and they both constantly smoke in the house, i just sat them down and told them that i cant be around that, and if they want they can smoke when im not there but they need to ensure that there is no trace of it in the house. Also, in regards to your mother, take it from some one who lost hers, you need to spend time with her despite your differences she gave birth to you, youll be suprised in what she can help you with.

i think if your unhappy you should move out or talk to you boyfriend about it all get your feelings out.
and his sister shouldnt be telling you what you can and cannot eat and what you can and cannot do while your pregnant. My best friends bf is doing that to me now and ive asked my doctor and she said i can eat anything i want as long as theres no caffeine in it and i can drink anything with no caffeine or alcohol in it. So dont listen to your bf’s sister. its unfair for you to have to go through that. Another thing is his sister isnt being respectful to you if she’s belittling your family infront of you. That’s cruel and your bf should be sticking up for you. You only have one family and one mother. So you should try and talk to your boyfriend and if that doesnt work try and get out of there because im sure stress isnt good for you or your child i hope it works out!!