being alone kills me inside

Hi. I’m rina and im 22 years old. I got pregnant around june 2009. The day that we did the ‘deed’ was also the day he broke up with me. I was totally not aware that I conceived. Since I got so depressed from the break up because I love him so much, I enrolled in a gym, kept on drinking and smoking and kept myself busy with work and drinking diet pills. My mother died last november 2009 that made me even depressed and lost with myself. I even found out that she wasn’t my real mother. It was my sister who takes care of me often -who is my real mother. I was devastated. It took me days into crying. Several days after, I took a preg.test because I’ve been way months delayed which I did not mind thinking it was simply because I lost weight bec.of gym. It was positive. I talked to my ex telling him i’m pregnant. He told me he’d support me. I did not ask that he’d marry me nor did i ask him to be there for me because I wanted him to voluntarily do it. I do not want to force someone to live the rest of his life with a woman he left already. I lost my job because i’m a teacher in a catholic school. Single mothers + a teacher is considered immoral. The owner of the school asked me to ask my ex bf to marry me so I can keep my job which I didn’t do. I stopped my Masteral Studies because I feel so ashamed being seen by people. I’m due on either last week of march or 1st week of april said the doctor. I still love my ex boyfriend, I still hope he’d someday show up and love me and our baby. But I guess, I can only hope but not actually make it happen. I haven’t received anything from him. No text. No call. The pain of loneliness kills me. I cry whenever I remember him. I’m always sad pitying my situation and my baby girl. I know I can bring up my baby by myself but at the end of the day, I know I’d still long for a man’s love. But not any man’s love.

Please tell me what to do. I feel so miserable and lonely.