Anyone chose adoption for baby?

🙁 Have any of you chosen adoption for you baby? I just need someone to talk to…

I got pregnant last year in October and then in November thought I lost it. I had noticed that I hadn’t had a period and was not feeling well so I checked again just for kicks in December. The test was positive.

I chose addoption because I knew it’s what would be best for the baby. It wasn’t that I was trying to take the easy way out, and believe me… That choice has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

You see, I’ve already lost 2 to miscarriages and want so desperately want to be a mom. But the thing that I’ve always wanted for my child, the father and I can’t provide, and that is, married parents and a stable environment.

It is so hard to think about my baby not being mine. He’s in my belly while his adoptive mom gets to be running marathons and still looking great. They are going to get the joy of raising my son.

At times I hate myself for calling them (the adoptive parents) and for committing to them. If I wasn’t positive that adoption is best for the baby, I would change my mind so fast it’s not funny.

It’s not that I couldn’t take care of him, or that I’m not willing to. It’s not that I never want to think about him again, I’m going to get to see him as much as I can afford to. It’s just that his dad and I aren’t married and are now split up, not because of the choice to adopt, the dad agreed with me on it and he actually mentioned it first. I just couldn’t do that to our baby… I want Ethan (baby, to have the world and everything that good parents and a stable childhood can give him.

I really do love him. I don’t want to be just his birth mom, I want to be his mommy! The one he calls at night cause he had a bad dream, or asks to kiss his knee better. This could go on and on… Please, if you’ve gone through with an adoption, talk with me. It’s tearing me up inside.