any input will be helpful

Hello. I am in a tough position and I dont know who else to turn to. As of right now, I have had a rocky on and off relationship with lets just say my “mike” for six years. We dated for three years and then for the past three years have been working on getting back together, but there is so much emotional turmoil and things we have done to each other in the past that neither of can get over. I want to be with him, I know this for sure, but he is still dealing with alot of the pain we caused each other in the past. I know that we both love each other and care, but still, the relationship isnt healthy. I found out i was pregnant a week ago and when he found out, he has very strong feelings of getting rid of it. We are not ready to be parents, have a lot of work on our relationship, cant financially support a child etc. However, I honestly do not know if i can go through with abortion. I know that the time isnt right, but is abortion really something I can deal with for the rest of my life? I am having a really hard time making this decision and know that I (we) are the only ones who can make it, but it is taking a huge toll on me emotionally. I want my child to have the best life possible, and i know that if i decide to keep it he may turn around, but can i base my decision on a maybe??? My heart is telling me to keep it, but my head is telling me no way. I don’t really agree with abortion, but i fear that if i keep the baby, my relationship with mike will be over and he will resent me for the rest of my life. I really dont know what to do and would appreciate any opinions or input.