almost a year

Hey hun, it sounds to me like you’re suffering from deppression and I think you might benifit from speaking to a therapist. I know how hard it is to deal with the loss of a child, the only way you can begin to heal is to find forgiveness and understanding for yourself and your decision. Who you are is not defined by that choice you made a year ago. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t spend it punishing yourself for something you cannot change. I know it’s easier said than done, but it is possible.
I’m not suggesting that you forget your baby, that’s never going to happen and no one should expect that from you. No matter how you lost your baby, you have a right to mourn him/ her. Activly grieving can really help you deal with the loss. you cannot rewind and change the past, but you can allow past mistakes to help shape you positively and use it as a guide to not repeat those mistakes.

You have to speak to your bf about how you’re feeling. Being in arelationship that isn’t going anywhere isn’t fair to either of you and if you still harbour resentment toward him for making you have the abortion, you need to confront it head on.

You have a long life ahead of you and so much to live for, I’m sure that even though your baby loves you, he/she wouldn’t want you to give it all up. Speak to someone you love and trust about these thoughts and feelings of not wanting to be here. Or you can call the suicide hotline in your country.

I really hope that what I’ve said doesn’t sound judgemental, cold or like I’m preaching to you, I really just want to help you as a lot of the girls here have helped and supported me in finding my way back from my ‘black hole’. I wish you everything of the best and most importantly I wish peace and healing for youIf you ever want to chat/ vent, I’m always here.
Much love, Evangeline xoxox