After the Abortion..

well, i decided to tell my story too..
it’s been around 2 years and 20 days since i got pregnant… but yea, i didn’t knew i was there=) but 3 weeks later (august somewhere) i had some feelings..weir feelings? so i talked with my bf about the options if i would be pregnant…he said he will be there for me, support me no matter what happens, he he caress my belly like hello my little one, are you there…and staff like that.. well in the end of september i was sure that there has to be something and had made a hpt…that came out positive. i called my bf and told him about…he said i shouldn’t worry cause the hpt is not 100%, i told him that i am sure i am pregnant, cause i was very skinny and i felt that my belly is not like it was 3 months back…
so i made a doctor appointment..
first they made the blood test..and it was positive,sure, then i came in the room from my doc, he made me an ultrasound and said: “yes you are pregnant, around11 weeks, but don’t worry it’s just a bunch of cells, so yea, here you have the directive for the clinic and for the abortion, come back 3 weeks after the abortion, have a nice day goodbye”
that was totally everything he did and said..so i went home, and called my bf to tell him what the doctor said… he said that ok, that will be the right thing and that he’ll come to go to the abortion appt with me..
that was around september 29th. when my bf came…he didn’t want to touch me..specially not my stomach..that hurted me so much!
i had the abortion on october 13..
i was outside the clicick, and waited for my bf to come (i didn’t saw him almost a week and a half, we just talked per phone)
he didn’t came…so i get in…and made the whole procedure…when i was signing the papers..i felt that that was wrong…but i was alone,scared and thought that the doctor and my bf wanted just the best for me so this is the best…
after i wake up…all i could do was crying and crying… my bf sended me a text msg that he felt asleep (like this wasn’t his baby too????)
today..well it’s been 1 year 9 months and 28 days since my abortion..
and it feels like it was yesterday
i fall in a depression, i gained more than 20 kg, was lockin myself in the room all the time, i was an 5+ student, my notes felt down on hardly 2..i wasn’t talkin to anyone…it was hard.

i broke up with my bf… all what he was saying from the first week from my abortion was just like: forget about it, stop crying, and so..
it hurted me… really deep..
i think i should say i come from a land where theres no talkin about pregnancys..specially teen-pregnancys… but we, the young generation know now everythiong about itz! and i’m helping that the younger do to!
and the other thing…my bf was 4 years older, acted like he was an adult…but now i see, he was a child who couldn’t take any responsibility.

my life now looks..sad.
i got throught my depression, i can talk about it now…but i still regret it.
it helps to talk…many say then she’s such a strong person…she made it throught, she lives so happy now, she helps so many to decide right… yea i do…but there are not many that know what happens behinde the doors. i’m crying..alot..i’m wishing that i wouzld never do that, that i would have my baby here..
i know..i can’t..i know i have to move on totally, but..
i am proud on me.. cause i moved on..not much, but a little, i came out of the depression, and what it mostly makes me happy… i helped some girls to make the right decision.

there isn’t a day in year that i don’t think about my baby.
i’m thinkin about him alll the time, how he would look, how he would smile, how i could hug him… but i know, this wont happen soon, but it will, someday when we’ll be together again..

i know that if i would know so much about pregnancy, and chances i would never made the abortion. never.
but i did…i trusted my doctor..and that was the biggest mistake of my life.

i hope that my story will help some girls to make the right decision… and abortion is not the one!