A poem I wrote today…

I wrote this today and I thought I would post it up. Im 19 and I have been pregnant 3 times. A victim of abuse from young, I use to feel that having babies was a way to escape from the pain. I have 2 angels and an almost 15 month old daughter, Kaylee. My first daughter was a product of rape, and died at 4 months of AML – Acute Myloid Lukeamia. I also miscarried a little baby this year, whom I decided was a boy.

Each day is hard but I am learning to get over my past pains and look forward to a beautiful future with my little girl.

Through A Teenage Mother’s Eyes

Will the judgement ever stop?
Will the judgement ever cease?
I’m sick of all the stares,
Dirty comments and the glances,

I wish they would know,
And really understand,
They don’t think before they do,
And that’s what hurts the most,

She’s a slut, she’s a hoe,
She’s jeopardising her children’s future,
I wish she would keep her legs closed,
Her poor, poor children,

I would go to the ends of the earth,
To provide for my children,
Who are they to judge?
They don’t even know!

He beat me till I was black and blue,
He took me to a room,
The drugs had taken effect by now,
There was nothing I could do,

He stripped me and he watched me,
He did it over and over,
I lay praying that he would stop,
All the while he was insulting me,

I could see his smile,
I was his object, his victim,
The innocent life he created,
Was destined to suffer wrongs,

I am three months pregnant,
And only sixteen,
That fateful night has left its memories,
A baby will be born,

I held her in my arms,
She was the perfect child,
She snuggled into my chest,
As I sang a lullaby,

But something aren’t meant to be,
And this precious child of mine,
Was too special for the earth you see,
She had to grow her wings,

I watched her get her wings,
And fly into the sky,
Why did this happen to me?
I couldn’t stop my tears,

It was all my fault,
My precious baby died,
I know the disease took her,
But somehow it was all my fault,

He hugged me and he said,
I’ll make everything alright,
I let him and I shouldn’t of,
Maybe it was my punishment,

Another baby girl,
Growing inside of me,
I am but seventeen,
She’s back to haunt me,

Living on the street,
The drugs, the sex and crime,
Thank God for my old Nan,
I don’t know what I would have done,

I held her in my arms,
She smiled and looked at me,
I am a mummy once again,
My baby’s come back to me,

She’s growing up so fast,
She’s getting mighty big,
She’s walking, jumping, running,
I love her every bit,

Why am I still lonely?
Why do people judge?
Judgement hurts so much,
I really can’t go on,

Baby crying in the cot,
Man on top of me,
I know this little family,
Will soon include number three,

I am 6 weeks pregnant,
And only nineteen,
This is my third pregnancy,
Oh somebody help me,

He got his wings today,
He flew up so, so high,
He went to join his sister,
I know she’ll keep him warm,

Memories of my angels,
Memories of my past,
The abuse, the drugs, the rape,
They ruined my young life,

I have a beautiful daughter,
And she means the world to me,
I wish they wouldn’t judge,
Until they can truly see!

Written by Angela,
19 year old mum to:

Leraya Sunshine
Born 19/3/03 – 21/7/03
Kaylee Amelia
Born 23/3/04 – almost 15m
& Connor John
Born @ 8w 4d, 25/4/05

Do you feel the same?