1 and a half years on…

I had been with my ex on and off for about 5 months when i discovered i was pregnant i missed all the signs and didnt think anything of it until i missed my second period and began to get morning sickness i then took a pregnancy test with my best friend as my ex didnt believe me when i phoned him to tell him the test was positive at first he didnt believe me until i showed him the test. i was sure i did not want an abortion and he was in 2 minds. he soon told his dad who then told my mum about te pregnancy she was distruaght although she had an abortion when she was 16! she TOLD me i had to have an abortion along with his mum. i was so upset but felt i had no power over the choice she booked an abortion on behalf of me! when i went to the clinic for my pre op they asked me if i wanted the abortion i wanted to say no but she was stood outside the door watching. I went through with the abortion but before i went down i begged the nurses not to make me do it ut because she made me sign the form they injected the anasthetic!! i woke up and creid my eyes out, mum just pretended nothing had happened. i creid for weeks and weeks and finally my ex came round after ignoring me throughout the process completly!! one and a half year on and and i find my self desprate to be a mum with my new boyfriend of 10 months! i find myself walking round and online looking at baby clothes prams car seats and nursery furniture. i am so desperate to be a mum and i wish i had not had the abortion although my ex was sleeping with some other girl when he found out i was pregnant but i wouldve been a single mum i just wish i had that baby here with me now or that i ad the chance to be a mum now. i sit at home thinking of ways i can get pregnant and convince my boyfriend it wasnt planned as he wants to go to uni and i have just began college but a baby wouldnt afect my college…i wish i could be a mum!