Hello! My name is Carol Anne and I’m 24 years old. Perhaps my problem is not that important compare to other girls, but for me it is, because it’s making me very blue. 7 months ago, I was dating a guy and 3 months later, I got pregnant. Honestly, I felt deeply drowned in an ocean where I couldn’t swim, because even though I have a bachelor’s degree, I have a full time job, and I’m doing my master’s, I didn’t feel prepared and to be honest, I didn’t want to have a child without being married or at least in a stable relationship. Since the first day I knew, I decided to keep it, because, although I respect the decision of those who abort, I couldn’t do it.
Thank God the guy responded very good, in fact, he is very happy with the idea of being a father. My mother and sister accepted it very well and they’re giving me all their support. However, I feel very bad with myself. First of all, I love the father of my child, but I’m not in love with him. It’s hard, but true and unfortunately, I discovered it late. I’m sure that he’s going to be a good father, but as significant others, what we’re going to have are lots of problems. Why? We just need different things and we have different expectations from a relationship. I just want to tell him that is better for us to be the parents of the baby and nothing else, but at the same time I know he loves me and I feel that he’s going to hate me or believe that I used him. On the other hand, my belly isn’t that big, meaning that not everyone has notice my pregnancy. However, I’m afraid that when I have a noticeable bump, I’ll be rejected and that people will talk negative about me. Although I truly believe that all my dreams and goals will be true, I feel that it’s going to be hard to find a person that completes me and satisfies my needs and of course, accept the fact that I have a child. Am I exagerating or what??? Even if I do, can you help me??? THANKS!!!
December 17, 2009
Dearest Carol Anne – hi, I’m Lisa and I’m from the Stand Up Girl website.
Ohhh Carol Anne – what a beautiful and sweet heart that you have.
Can I be perfectly honest with you? You have an amazing future ahead of you. Not only are you educated in a marvelous way – you have your future fixed ahead of you. You ALSO chose to allow your baby to live. That is above everything else! You stood for the life of that precious baby in the midst of a time when life is so disregarded. Yet you … you are a Stand Up Girl Carol Anne. I’m so proud of you!
Now … can I share something with you? I’d love for you to read your letter one more time … do it now (see below).
Now – who is missing in this picture? What I mean is … who’s happiness are you forgetting? Who is the one that you are not thinking of that has to live with all of the decisions you make? YOU. You are an extremely important factor in all of this. You are so sweetly worried about your bf ‘hating’ you with a feeling that you have. You are worried about what others will think of you when your cute little belly will begin to grow.
Carol Anne. Can you do me a little favor? Look within. Please Carol Anne. You are so so important here and you are not even considering yourself.
Trust me my friend … it will NOT be impossible to find a wonderful man that will so totally fall in love with you and you with him but your beautiful baby will be the added bonus. Be so thankful that you realized now that you are not in love with this man … rather than after getting married. This may seem difficult, but you are being extremely wise by stepping up and setting him free. Allow him to have someone that is so totally devoted to him and in love with him. You deserve that … and so does he.
Now – about the others and what they think of you with your growing belly. Look down at that beautiful growing belly and touch that precious belly of yours as the only thing that separates your hand from your sweet little baby is a little skin on your tummy. Carol Anne – you just wait to see how proud you will be to show your baby off to anyone and everyone that will look.
You have taken a Stand and don’t let anyone or anything convince you that you should have any shame. You are a Stand Up Girl. You hold your head up high and know that anyone that may look at you crookedly has something deep inside of themselves that is hurting. Feel sorry for them. Not ashamed or embarassed.
E-mail me any time you want Carol Anne. I’ll always be here to route you on.
Please let me know how you are doing. OK?
January 07, 2010
First of all, Happy Holidays! I appreciate so much your words and your advice. I feel better. I talked seriously to the father of my baby; I told him about my feelings and what I was very sure I wanted to do. As you said, he didn’t get mad at me or something similar, but understood and told me if I didn’t want us to be together, it was ok with him. Of course, I told him that he must be involved in the child’s raising, even though we weren’t together. He was fine with that too.
Honestly, I feel very relieved!!! I feel more empowered and now that I’m reading some books about single moms, I feel very positive and have tons of faith. I’m happier than ever and I can’t wait to see the baby! Of course, pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster and there are times where I feel a little blue, but general terms I feel very good. It’s a new year and I know it’s going to be very good, starting with the birth of my child.
Thank you so much for encouraging me and showing me the positive side of single motherhood. Thanks for showing me that I’m not alone and that there’s much to be proud of. Thanks for showing me that I’m a stand up girl.
Your heart is a treasure.
Thanks for everything!!
January 7, 2010
OK if there could ever be good tears – you gave ‘em to me! Oh Carol I’m so so proud of you!
Isn’t it so amazing the fears that we have when we first find out we are pregnant. We seem to be the ‘last one’ we think about. Now I see … you are thinking about you. Your future. Your precious little baby! Ohhhh no better e-mail could have come to me to start my hear off right! Thank you so much for sharing with me.
Ahhh yes – the roller coaster of emotions with pregnancy. Looking back at our correspondence – I assume you are about 5 months pregnant or so? Right? Do you have friends that can give you a fun little baby shower? Ohhhh those are so much fun!
Do you have information on how to get financial aid for yourself too? Have you contacted WIC? Or are you looking at other alternatives for assistance? Please, if I can help direct you, I’m always here for you. OK?
Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. I will always be right here to encourage you and to just cheer you on!
Thank you for your sweet e-mail. I’ll pray for you too. 😉
Take care of yourself and keep in touch.
January 7, 2010
You just gave me a big smile with your reaction!!!
Yes, I’m 5 months pregnant; to be exact I’m 22 weeks and I’m going to have a girl. I’m going to name her Isabella. Yes, I have some friends that are thrilled with the idea of a baby shower, so maybe they’ll come up with something nice.
Yes, I contacted WIC and I’m receiving their support. It’s a really good help and now that I’m drinking milk (I have some delirium for a glass of milk with some drops of vanilla) and eating like crazy, even more :D. But don’t worry, I just had gained 12 pounds by now, so I’m not getting too fat, but enough :).
Thanks for your cheers and your praying. It sure has helped me A LOT!!!
July 9, 2010
I’m so sorry I didn’t write you before, but I’ve been kinda busy :). I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Her name is Isabella. She weighted 7 pounds and her length was 19″. She was born on May 11th, two days after my birthday. She has almost 2 months now and she’s big and heavy. I couldn’t be happier!!!! I was very scared because I had no idea of how I was going to handle a full-time job, my masters’ classes, and taking care of a baby, but now that I proved to myself that I can do it, I feel empowered; almost like Wonder Woman. Honestly, having a baby brought me tons and tons of joy into my life. It’s the best decision I ever made. I honestly thank you so much for your advice. It helped me a lot.
Blessings to you!