Soo right now, all I can do is hope.

I have a blood test in the next couple of days to see if I’m pregnant again. I’m scared…But not because I might be having a baby. I’m scared because I might not be. I didn’t want to have an abortion, but I thought I loved my ex so much that when he told me he’d leave me, I did whatever he told me to. I’m 15, but if I must say so myself, I have lived a long and hard 15 years. So I thought I might tell you some stuff about myself.  Well, I have never met my father. He left before I was born. It kind of hurts knowing how much he’s missed, but that’s his fault. When I was 12, my mum, my two brothers, and I moved to Port Macquarie NSW in Australia. I met some friends that I thought were great, but it turns out they were into some bad stuff. By the time I was 14, I was an alcoholic and was addicted to a drug called gas. I was also in government care because I was that out of control. Mum couldn’t help me anymore.

At the start of last year, I got raped. After it happened, that’s when things got worse. I was self-harming and I had no self-respect. My family moved to Brisbane and I was there alone. All I wanted was to be loved and for someone to want me, and care for me. I had a lot of older boys tell me they love me. Then as soon as they got what they wanted, they left. On the 1st of March, at 11 at night, I had my group of friends drinking on what we called the Warf. My best friend, Mitch, and his two friends left to go to a party and we stayed behind not wanting to go. At 12 o’clock, my friend came to me screaming and crying, telling me something happened to Mitch. I laughed at her and told her it wasn’t funny and walked away. The next morning, my friend and her dad who I was living with at the time came into my room. They looked very concerned. I sat up and they gave me a cup of coffee. They didn’t say anything for a while. I thought I was in trouble. Eventually, they told me something happened last night, to Mitch. He got beaten and thrown in front of a car. Mitch died that night.

As soon as I lost Mitch, I turned my life around. I now do not drink or take drugs. I’m back at my mum’s house and we have a very happy and close relationship. It was a long and hard year to get to where I am, but I had faith in myself and I knew I could change to make myself a better person for me and for everyone around me… Basically, what I’m trying to tell everyone is when I was down and had nothing, all I had left was hope, and faith in myself.  Sometimes in life, you only have yourself to rely on.

I just want you all to know, you CAN do it. I promise you that.