My body started to change and i sleep more frequent than I usually do….my appitite began to change, i never did eat alot i didnt eat anything because i could not hold any food down.  I went and bought a pregnancy test and it came back negetive and I was so excited. Then after a few days i began to get morning sickness and I was like there is no way i can be pregnant but i was.

Dear Becky,

My name is KaNiesha and I am sixteen years old and I had an abortion.  It was one of the worst expeirences of my life……Heres my story.

I was raised in church all my life…..and of course they told us to wait until marriage before we have sex and i had always told myself that I would but i didnt and it was the BIGGEST mistake i had ever made.  I had been “DATING” this boy since December 2006 and in February of 2007 we decided to have sex and we did….we didnt use protection because he said he would pull out before he released his sperm…….but he didnt….and he said he did and i believed him.

A few days later i received my menstral cycle and i was so happy because I did get my period…little did i know it can up to five days to become pregnant. My body started to change and i sleep more frequent than I usually do….my appitite began to change, i never did eat alot i didnt eat anything because i could not hold any food down.
 
I went and bought a pregnancy test and it came back negetive and I was so excited. Then after a few days i began to get morning sickness and I was like there is no way i can be pregnant but i was. Every kind of air freshner made me sick.
 
I tried to hide the pregnancy from my mom because i knew that she would freak out and kill me. Everytime i had to throw up i went in the bathroom and turned the water on. Everyday i went to school i threw up all day.
 
I just thought maybe if i got an abortion nobody would have to find out and i would not have to deal with all the pressure from my ”RELIGIOUS” family….so i turned to my friends sister who i thought I could trust. She said she would take me to get the abortion and she would help me pay for it.
 
I took another pregnancy test and it confirmed my worst nightmare I was indeed pregnant. Little did i know she betrayed me….she called my mom and told her. My mom called and ask me if i was pregnant and i said NO and she simply said KaNiesha dont lie to me because i will find out tomarrow if you dont tell me the truth…so i said yes. She then hung up on me.  After that everybody started calling me questioning me. I wanted to run away so bad i had even thought about killing myself.
 
About a week later we went to the abortion clinic and i recieved counseling but it didnt help me at all……they asked are you sure you want to do this….i said yes because thats what my mom wanted, deep down inside I wanted to say no. (I JUST WASNT SURE ABOUT WHAT I WANTED)

Then about a week later we came back and i was nervous i hated the people who encourged me to do it. They called my name and my heart dropped because there were so many young women and girls getting abortions and it hurt my heart to see such a thing. (I had always said that abortion was bad and i woould never get one because if i was to get pregnant i would keep my baby but i didnt….i killed an innocent child who didnt even do anything) I went back and removed my clothes and took two pills one to calm my nerves and the other to relax the pain away so i couldnt feel what they were doing……THATS A HUGE LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I felt everything that doctor did…..when I heard the vaccum i knew that it was real and they were killing my child and I could have stopped them but i didnt. It was very very very painful, when he finished i looked up and i saw so much blood and tissue and god knows what else….oh i didnt mention that i was 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant Now everybody lives there normal life and i sit back and be depressed and I even cry myself to sleep…nobody knows my pain and agony that I deal with in a daily basis.  So keep ALL of my emotions inside and pretend to be happy when i am around people. I tried to forget about it but let me tell you it WILL NEVER GO AWAY!!!!!!!
 
Dimples
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Dearest “Dimples” – hi, my name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.

When I read your e-mail my heart just broke for you.  You see – I’ve been down the road of abortion too.  I know that pain and that heartache.  That loss that can’t be filled.  I will share a link to my story so you can read it if you want.
 
I’m sorry about your heartache and your pain.  Would you like to share more?  I’m just a keystroke away.
 
But I can share with you where I finally did find healing.  I don’t share this with everyone.  Just those that feel like you and I do.  It’s like a heartache you can’t explain with words.  Only someone that has been down that road understands.  I understand.

I tried so many ways to get the pain to go away.  I tried drugs, alcohol and even relationships!  Nothing worked.  You know what truly worked?  Write and we’ll discuss it.

Please let me know if I can do anything more for you.  Please e-mail me at any time.  I hope to hear from you soon.
 
Luv Lisa |