I was reading a news article on the internet the other day. An australian company (not the first) has decided to introduce paid maternity leave. This opened the debate as to if the government should introduce it. The write of the article thought no, that it wouldnt be fair for childless couples to 'fund a lifestyle choice' of others. However, it is also a lifestyle choice to remain childless , and in doing so they are forcing the generation after them to pay higher tax to pay for everything they need as older people. Why should they not help them into the world and just expect them to pay more later?
It re-opened a debate which has been going on in my own head for a while. Am i doing the right thing? I wanted to have an abortion when i was pregnant with my daughter, i had alot of emotional issues and didnt want a baby. I hated coming on here in a way, because i had to pretend to be happy.
When i found out i was pregnant again, i had no such thoughts. I instantly wanted to keep my baby. This is until when i was about 12 weeks pregnant and woke up in the middle of the night wondering if i was doing the right thing. If it was fair to jess (my daughter) or the baby. I wasnt going to have as much money or time for jess with another baby. I started to think about the kind of world i would be bringing another baby into.
We are always hearing about global warming, economic crisis, and how un-affordable houses are. Why should i want to bring a child into a world like this? After much crying, i went back to sleep with the firm thoughts that as much as i wanted the baby, i would have an abortion, because things were just too hard (mostly personally).
By the morning i had again changed my mind. I wanted to keep my baby. I feel selfish for it. Its taking away from my daughters quality of life. Its taking away from what i had planned for my own life. Im almost 28wks pregnant now, and sometimes i regret not getting the abortion, even though it would have caused me so much pain. It would have perhaps been for the better.
My mind is in turmoil. I like my unborn baby, but i feel guilty and selfish for bringing her into this world. Am i doing the right thing?