Let’s see how, do I explain myself…

I was brought into the world March 15. I guess that would make me 19 in a few days. I’ve always had great birthday presents. I suppose this year is going to be the most life-changing. I just found out that I am pregnant about 3 days ago. At first, I found myself upset and alone, knowing that my boyfriend of 3 years wouldn’t be happy. These first 3 days have been trying; the options of abortion and keeping the baby constantly flipping through my mind like a drunken daze. The first morning, I actually ended up pinching myself and asking my boyfriend if last night was real or a dream. I guess I always believed this would never happen to me. Being a Christian, I was raised not to believe in abortion, although I will not say it hasn’t crossed my mind. To my father’s family, pregnancy out of wedlock is a sin, that even my unwed cousins who have children from my mother’s side are talked about with a personification of disgust.

I lost my mother who was 7 months pregnant when I was 15, and for the first time since her death I’ve been dreaming about her and my unborn sister Jocelynn. I believe that God is telling me something. That its time to change my life and start new, that maybe this will end as my blessing.

I just found last night, after speaking with my pastor, that I will be keeping the baby, that despite  what others may say and the wrath that I will receive from my fathers family will all be worth it in the end. I am scared, but excited. I am alone but strong. I know that I can make it, and maybe one day, I can go back to school to start my nursing program.