I’m 15 + I had an abortion last October and I regretted it so badly.

I was pushed into it by my boyfriend. He said he would leave me and I’d be a single mum if I never got rid of it. It was hard as well because my mum was evicted from our house earlier on that year so I was living with my boyfriend as well and if I kept the baby, I would have nowhere to live either. I was so scared. I was 14 weeks at 2 days pregnant when I had the abortion. When I came home, my boyfriend supported me but after a couple of days, it was like it never even happened. He was normal and we started arguing a lot. Then the next month he split up with me, so I lost him either way, but I still lived with him and we were still having sex. It was like we never even broke up but we didn’t class each other as partners.

Then a couple of months later, he slept with a different girl and I was heartbroken. He said that she got on top of him an forced him, but when I spoke to her, she told me that she did persuade him to do it, but it wasn’t just her in control.
He still tells me that till this day but we got over that. As I was living with him, I couldn’t leave him because I’d have nowhere to go. Even though I really wanted to go, I had to stay there and act like everything was fine. A couple of months later, I slept round his mate’s house and got really drunk and ended up sleeping with him. Then it went on for longer until I realized it was wrong and I was only doing it to give my ex-boyfriend the pain i felt for all this time. So I came clean and told him what happened between us.

Now a year down the line, we are still the same. I’m 16 next month and pregnant with his baby again. We are keeping the baby this time as I told him that I will not get rid of it again and he said he understood and wishes he never made me do it last time. He said he has grown up now, but our relationship still hasn’t changed. We still ain’t together but if we went with someone else, it would be classed as cheating and at the moment, I have this weird idea in my head that he is seeing someone else. I don’t know why I think it. He keeps telling me I’m been stupid an he makes me believe him for a while. Then I start to think it again. Could it be just me thinking like that cause I’m pregnant?

I’m Really scared. I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision, but I know if I had another abortion, it would kill me.