My first baby would be 22 this week. I was a 17-year-old drug-using high school drop-out, but when the lady wearing scrubs told me I was pregnant, I already thought of myself as a new mother.
Everyone wanted me to get an abortion except me. I actually stopped using drugs, went to the library and checked out a book called Under 18 and Pregnant and started to read it to prepare. I scheduled my first prenatal check-up.
My boyfriend was relentless. I am deliberately omitting the details of the violence, both real and threatened, but I finally caved in to my boyfriend’s insistence to not have our baby. On January 4, 1989, he took me to the abortion clinic, but I literally ran out in the hope of saving my baby. Two days later, on January 6, 1989, at 9 1/2 weeks gestation, I had an abortion. It nearly killed me. No, not the surgical procedure, the psychological aftermath. I attempted suicide three times after my abortion and finally ended up in an adolescent psychiatric ward of a community hospital for a month to recover.
I was coerced into having an abortion and thought that by becoming a counselor at an abortion clinic, I could help others like me really talk out their feelings on the issue, truly explore their options, and help them make an honest, informed decision–or help them leave an abusive situation. I worked at an abortion clinic for five years (from age 18 to 23)—not the same one where I had my abortion. I started out on the phone, then at the front desk checking in patients and accepting payments, then I learned medical assisting and helped in the laboratory, took vital signs in the recovery room, and did “dishes” in the autoclave area. (I’ll come back to this).
Then, after two years working at the clinic and starting college as a psychology major, I was trained as a counselor. The “counseling” experience was not what I had hoped. Nearly every pregnant woman coming to an abortion clinic for “options counseling” had already made up her mind, but just wanted to check out the facility and have her questions answered and perhaps her fears allayed. And most of the women coming in felt they had no other choice. A few were truly ambivalent. Sure, we had a little notebook with the names and numbers of two local adoption agencies, but we were never trained or taught how the adoption process works so we could explain it to women. We had the phone number of the local WIC office, public assistance, etc., but again, knew nothing about the process should anyone ever ask for details. If a pregnant woman wanted to learn more about these other choices, the best the “options counselor” could offer was a post-it note with a phone number hastily scribbled on it.
During my time at the clinic, I was a staunch supporter of abortion rights, while all the time knowing in my heart that I felt that what I did was wrong, that I missed my baby, and that I wished things could be different for me. In hindsight, I can see that by surrounding myself with people who believed it was OK to abort babies, I was hoping that someday I would be OK with aborting my baby.
This never happened… After finally forgiving myself for aborting my first child I was able to see the world differently. After two failed marriages I was able to finally commit and my husband and I have been married for eleven years. After giving birth to three sons and feeling the life grow inside me and knowing the fierce overwhelming love a mother can feel for a child, I have been able to finally acknowledge that yes, life begins at conception….
One night after working autoclave my nightmares about dead babies were so gruesome and terrifying and intense I met with the clinic’s director to talk about my feelings. She was very understanding, open and honest, and painfully forthright when she told me, “What we do here is end a life. Pure and simple. There is no disputing this fact. You need to be OK with this to work here.” ….
For myself, I know in my heart that I would never again terminate a pregnancy — EVER — nor would I ever work at an abortion clinic again. If someone I love was facing an unplanned pregnancy, I would do my very best to help her find a way to stay pregnant and give that baby a chance—whether it be by becoming a parent, or by offering up the child for adoption.
There are far too many innocent lives being snuffed out in our country before they have the opportunity to take their first breath, and as a nation we should be doing better. We need to do better. We need to provide real resources to pregnant mothers facing an unplanned pregnancy. The women and babies of our country deserve better. After all, sometimes the best things in life aren’t planned.
Happy No-birthday, Un-baby. I miss you every day. Love & tears, Mom.
by Jewels Green (An excerpt from the full Article)
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You can contact Jewels Green through Live Action.org, contributor Kristen Walker
I belive pregnancy shld b a tin of joy nd happiness,am 6weeks pregnant nd am so so happy abt it.I will b 24 by nxt year my follow frnds pls if u re pregnant dnt make a mistake in getting read of it cos u meant regret everybit of it.pregnancy is God gife,so guls pls b wise.luv u all
Wow these storys have touched a place in my heart I havent visited in years. At 14years old I got pregnant my bf at the time (were still great freinds to this day) and I planned on keeping the child. Not much longer and my mother found out (no more tampons in the trash). She then proceeded to talk us both into abortion. I was so against it and still am. Unless raped if u think ur old enough to lay down and spread your legs you can handle the aftermath weather thats becoming a parent or choosing an adoption method. However one day my mother tricked me and we were at thee abortion clinic. She told me we werent leaving till it was done. It broke my heart I was four months along. I had been suicidal before this occation and the nurse noticed still the proceeded with no counseling or anti deppresents. It ruined my bf and my relationship after 3 years of bein together. I have never been able to forgive my mother. I became even more suicidal and a drug addict not even a month into my freshman year of highschool. At 15 I finally moved out my mother told me “move out before your 18 and domt ever come back to live in my house again”. There were multipul times were police officers brought be home. Finally my mom checked me into a psyciatric facility for suicide watch and rehabilitation. When iwas released I moved into a friends house and become a heavy drinker I started dating an older man (23) when I was 16. Then at 17 found out I was pregnant again with a beautiful baby girl. My whole pregnancy he was in prison. I had her one week before my 18th birthday with no home no nothing. I am now 20 years old expecting baby number 2 with my loving bf. All though he is not my daughters (now 2) father blood couldnt make them closer. I live in.a beautiful home and am a stay at home mom I have nt touched drugs or alchol in 2 years. What Im tryin to say is life throws you curve balls u can run and hide or u can catch them and throw them back. You can do it no matter who u are where u been or were u think u are going you make your life your own. I am so happy I got to share my story I beileve I just this moment got full closure in my life. I do not regret anything in my life I may wish things differently but never regret I love the person I am today and its all because of the person I was. If you want change only you can make it happen. Id have to say my daughter did help me she helped me come out of the deadend slump I was in. and to my angel baby mommy will always keep u in her heart and I cant wait to meet u up in heaven. May angels watch for u till then.
I am 25 and i had my first baby at 18 had sex at 17 and half well got preg. had a daughter she was born blind with catoracts and had to have surgery when she was 1 month old struggling with contacts and glassses for her. she still wears glasses and they are hard to get made, so for those teens it rough but i was a single mother worked a full time job and quit school, but i did it and u can too. MY DAD was an old fashioned man, i was scared to tell him i was even allowed to have a boy friend and i told him yeah he was made and screamed loud at me but know they are so close and abortion was not any option for me i dont believe in killing innocent life, OK know the hard part i have been with my husband for more than 5 years and i had three miscarriages the first was rh negative( a positive and negative blood types) lost 2 from working didnt know i was preg, ok know i took some birth control pills and quit to confuse the body to get preg i think i am having this systoms from pills but unsure, i have discharge that has line like snot that is old blood and spot on paper a couple time and boobs hurt for a week, is this symtoms from birth control? as for teens pregnent, no matter what do not worry about your parents they love u and they will get over it, there is help for ya out there, i can do u it and u can too. i went back to ged graduated and know going to university for criminal justice, my life is on track and improving, i am having issue in concieving a baby but time will come, dont give up on life and do what people want u to do what u think is right not for u but for the baby. good luck all with ur lives
wow thats pretty tuough but all i can say is keep your head up..
😉
I had an abortion on April 20th 2011 6 weeks pregnant because my mother beat me down with words. I regret it every day of my life. I am still with my boyfriend. But it's not worth it. The confusion the panic. I would take on so much more if I could go back and change time but I can't. I was a coward. & I let someone else persuade me to end a life. Even if financially you can't support your child adoption is an option to fall to. My boyfriend was always partying & drinking and when he found out he cleaned up. He was so hurt when I went through with the abortion. In the end yes I let someone persuade me but I made the choice. & for the next 90 years of my life I will regret it. I got a tattoo down my side in memory of my unborn child, for I will never allow myself to forget him/her. I will love that child for the rest of my life. & through all the hope in confusion this is your child whether your man is a jerk who's threatening to leave. Let him because he wouldn't have been a good father any way. Love your child with your everything. Because you don't want to live the rest of your life wishing you could love your child with your everything. 2 months after my abortion my sister had her baby. & I love that baby like my own. But it doesn't fill that hole that sits in my heart. So please take my word. From someone who knows if you do decide make sure it's your voice because if not you will regret it & hate yourself everyday like I do. Much hope from a broken soul of experience.
Hey there, I want to let you know that there are some amazing resources out there for you to look into….I think you hurt so much because you know that abortion IS the destruction of a living human, the most innocent form of life…That hurt is multiplied by the depth of love you have for your wife, you KNOW that she has to hurt and your desire is to love her, cover her and absorb some of that for her…
Here are two suggestions, Call this number 1-800-395-HELP, they will connect you with the closest Pregnancy Resource Center to you where there are FREE and CONFIDENTIAL Post Abortive Counseling and Education support groups, they go through a study together, open those wounds, clean them out and allow healing and forgiveness, Also there is Rachels Vinyard Retreats, http://rachelsvineyard.org/ , They have a section specifically for men as well, This may be something you and your wife can do TOGETHER….both of these suggestions allow at closing to memorialize the child(ren) in a memorial service for the purpose of closure and healing….also a great place to look into is White as Wool, http://whiteaswoolministries.org/2011/ , they have brought the healing from and memorializing of lost children to a whole new level, If you so feel, please write a Dear Becky letter where you could share more details so your needs can be more specifically known, if your wife is ever willing and wanting I am sure a letter from her could add a great deal of insight to her needs…Please check into these resources, I hope they will help you, your wife and your marriage to grow and heal in ways never expected! Meg
don't make abortions pleaseee
my now wife has had an abortion with her first boyfriend (we now have 3 beautiful kids) but i am a christian and even though when we got together at 18yrs old i am hurting by all this dont ask why now because it hurt at 18 but i let it go, but its always been on the backburner. i have to say abortion shouldnt happen.
I had a hand suction aborton last december. I as well have had panic attacks suicide threats since, what do I do now? how do i save my mental clarity??? wher can i find help???