so now i wonder
So I wonder now what to do. How to move on, how to live my life with such a sin. I ask God for forgiveness yet I wonder if I really am forgiven. School is so hard. I constantly find myself looking at him. I just wanna scream at him and make him hurt like […]

So I wonder now what to do. How to move on, how to live my life with such a sin.

I ask God for forgiveness yet I wonder if I really am forgiven. School is so hard. I constantly find myself looking at him. I just wanna scream at him and make him hurt like he has done to me. Yet, he knows nothing. He wonders why I’m so mad. This is possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I often cry and I think I honestly would have killed myself without my boyfriend’s support and love. I start seeing a counselor next week. I think. I don’t know when, but soon, I hope. I know I did the right thing, but I also know I won’t ever get to hold my little baby. I keep thinking of the way I felt in the recovery room, so empty. I wondered, is it over? Why do I feel so sick? As I asked for a spew bag, she passed me a small tablet to place under my tongue, which made it so much worse. I sat in a little ball and cried my heart out. I placed my hands on my tummy and prayed to the Lord above.

Forgive me, Lord. I have sinned.

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