I woke up this morning… and the first thought i had (more like a reminder), “You’re still pregnant.”
First the happy thoughts set in: I’m gonna be a mom, I’m gonna be happy, My boyfriend and i are gonna be good parents. I can still go to college. We can do this.
Then, i think about my mom: She’s going to ridicule me. She won’t believe i can do this. She’ll blame me for everything, like always. She’s going to hurt me. My family will have nothing positive to say.
I still can’t tell her… how long am i gonna wait, i don’t know. I could never tell her anything. Not even if a had a field trip at school, i had to gather strength for that. She just scares me…
I cry when i look in the mirror, i feel bad for myself. Look at her, she’s so lost in this world.
My best friend, (who’s two months pregnant) tells me that at the end, the baby belongs to me and my boyfriend. Not my mom or my family. And that i shouldn’t let them stop me from being happy.
But it’s not just my life that will be affected, my mom and my siblings. My mom always said she always had to make changes because of me. Well, doesn’t that happen when you’re a parent? You have to make lifestyle changes, for better or for worse.
I just hope i can look back this all this one day and say, “If I had to live it all over again i would’nt wouldn’t change anything for the world.”