Hi! Im 20 and I’m pretty sure i’m pregnant. I haven’t had my period in 2months. Im too scared to get tested, too scared of the results. I’ll never see the ‘father’ again; i don’t even know him. I smoke a lot. I drink a lot. I’m studying. I’m selfish. I don’t want a baby. I know what I do want, but I know that it’s not right. I don’t think i’ll be able to say goodbye if i were to adopt it out. Even worse, my ex-boyfriend will be getting out of jail soon. If he were to see me pregnant with another man’s baby, he may quite literally kill us.
My family would support me. They’ll be angry if i were to have an abortion, so only my best friend knows about my dilemma and I know she’ll support me either way, but is leaning toward the abortion side because she knows what I want. If i don’t decide what to do soon my body will. But I mean, how do you decide to give up something like that?? I try to think of it as a clinical little fetus growing inside of me, not My Baby. Sometimes my mind will forget that though. I know I’ll be a good mum. I have things i desperately want to do before becoming a Mother. I want to my baby to have a Father. My parents are retired, I don’t want to make them bankrupt trying to support me and a baby.
I guess what I want is for someone to tell me that having an abortion is ok. That i will feel fine afterwards. And life will carry on as normal. And i won’t carry around a terrible guilt that will lay heavy on my heart for the rest of my life. After reading some of the struggles these girls will go through to keep their baby, or the struggles after they’ve lost it, I’m left feeling confused. I know what I want, but I know that it’s not right!