One morning, I woke up and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I stayed home from school, thinking I just had the flu. I didn’t even think about being pregnant. It wasn’t until health class one day that I even thought about that possibility. We were talking about the symptoms women get when they are pregnant. I had some of the symptoms.
Dear Becky — Hi. I am 16 years old. I found out I was Pregnant about 6 months ago. I was really scared, but when I found your site, I got really excited. I read stories of girls my age that had kept their babies. I have decided to keep my baby. Without the father’s help.
Well, Here’s my story.
My friend was going out with my best guy friend. (I had a crush on him sense forever, but I always thought he looked at me as just a friend.)
Well, one night, they got into a huge fight and he came over to talk. I guess things just got out of control. One minute we were talking and the next we were taking off each other’s clothes. I know we shouldn’t have. I felt so horrible.
How could I do something that horrible to my friend? I had sex for the first time that night. We didn’t use protection.
He and I never talked about what happened. We never told her. They got back together the next day. Every time they were together, I would get really jealous. I had no right to be jealous but I was and I couldn’t help it.
Well, a month had passed and it seemed like everything was about back to normal between us again. One morning, I woke up and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I stayed home from school, thinking I just had the flu. I didn’t even think about being pregnant. It wasn’t until health class one day that I even thought about that possibility. We were talking about the symptoms women get when they are pregnant. I had some of the symptoms.
I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. It was Positive. I cried myself to sleep that night. I had sex ONE TIME and I got pregnant. I felt like I was being punished.
I called the next day and told him. I was crying the whole time. He kept saying he was sorry over and over again. He told her the next day. They broke up and she hasn’t talked to either of us sense. I don’t blame her. Look as what we did.
We told our parents. His parents said I should get an abortion. They were so mad at us. I even thought about abortion. I set up an appointment and everything. But I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t believe in it. It would go against every thing I believe in. I was looking online at baby things and I found your site. I read some girls’ stories and I decided to keep my baby.
We were together as much as possible at first. But then we started fighting. He goes out drinking with his friends all the time now. We don’t talk much anymore. I don’t want to raise my child on my own, but I will if I have to.
I will name my baby Lily Marie if it is a girl and Lee Jordan if it is a boy. I am 7 months along and I am getting really nervous about having my baby. But I know I can do it.
Rae
Dearest Rae – I’m Lisa and I am from the Stand Up Girl website.
I have to tell you as I am beginning my response to you … I am almost speechless! You are truly a Stand Up Girl and I am so happy that you did not choose to abort as his parents had wanted you to do. This is their grandbaby and there will come a day when everyone will see your baby and everyone will fall in love.
But in the meantime you are Standing strong and I am so very proud of you!
The names you chose for your baby are absolutely beautiful! Perfect!
Please know, you do not Stand alone, Rae! Keep coming back to our website and read about more stores of girls like you.
I truly believe that your story will also encourage another girl … just like the stories on our site have encouraged you.
I’m sure your story will also touch someone out there … someone who just needed to read your story to be encouraged!
Thank you for your e-mail.
Luv Lisa
I got there and sat in the waiting room with the millions of other girls sitting there alone and by themselves. But I wasn’t alone I had my boyfriend there, and I still felt as alone as ever. I felt like cattle or something. I went into the room by myself and got my ultra sound the lady handed me the picture and I started to cry and cry. I saw that little baby and it didn’t matter if we were ready or not. It’s not that little baby’s fault. I felt like I could not breathe and …
Dear Becky — It was a month after my eighteenth birthday I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend suggested that we go to the abortion clinic. That it was something that we needed to do because we were not ready to have a baby. I agreed and at around 2 months we went.
I got there and sat in the waiting room with the millions of other girls sitting there alone and by themselves. But I wasn’t alone I had my boyfriend there, and I still felt as alone as ever. I felt like cattle or something. I went into the room by myself and got my ultra sound the lady handed me the picture and I started to cry and cry. I saw that little baby and it didn’t matter if we were ready or not. It’s not that little baby’s fault. I felt like I could not breathe and I wanted more then anything to just get out of there. I went out to the waiting room where my boyfriend was waiting and ran to him crying. I showed him the picture and said “look, parents are supposed to protect their babies, not kill them”. He agreed and said that whatever I wanted he would be okay with. We left and went home and showed our parents. They were mad, my mom wanted me to go to college and thought my life would be over. I had her last January- her first birthday and first Christmas is coming soon. She is my little angel and she has brought more Joy to my life then I could ever imagine. I can’t image my life without her and I feel horrible that her life was almost ended and she wouldn’t be here with us. We are a family and I’m going to college. Things work out for the best. It makes me cry to just think about it. I am her mommy and I have protected her from the moment I walked out of that place and will protect her for the rest of her life, exactly what a mommy is supposed to do.
Joy
Dearest Joy — I type this letter to you with tears in my eyes and I am so very touched by your story! Your story so touched my heart and I was overjoyed at the turn of events that took place. The choice for life that you made.
I truly believe that many girls will be able to identify with your story – before they even decide to go to the clinic.
I bet your mom is a proud grandma now. Joy – thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful story with me. It really made my day!
Luv Lisa
The pain of having an abortion may take years to emerge, according to a new study published today.
Researchers in Norway compared the experiences of women who suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage with those who underwent abortion.
Women were interviewed at periods of up to five years after the event.
The pain of having an abortion may take years to emerge, according to a new study published today.
Researchers in Norway compared the experiences of women who suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage with those who underwent abortion.
Women were interviewed at periods of up to five years after the event.
Writing in the journal BMC Medicine, the researchers say that women who suffered miscarriage experienced more mental distress for the six months following the loss.
But two years later, it was the women who had abortions who were experienced mental misery – and this was the same five years afterwards.
Researcher Anne Nordal Broen, of the University of Oslo, in Norway, and colleagues from the Buskerud Hospital in Drammen, Norway, studied 40 women who suffered miscarriages and 80 who had abortions.
They write: “Women who had an abortion experienced high levels of anxiety, feelings of guilt, shame, and relief and had to make efforts to avoid thoughts about the event.
“When compared with women from the general population, women who had an abortion experienced more anxiety ten days, six months, two years and five years after the event.”
BMC Medicine December 12, 2005
Date: December 12, 2005
So, what I wanted to say to any girl who is pregnant and in uncertain times, struggling or afraid, is that their babies are beautiful and precious! If anyone is worried that they are somehow less beautiful inside or less desirable to good guys because they have had a baby so young,
Hey Becky —
First, I want to thank you for your site. I’m grateful that you are helping to inform girls about their pregnancies and their babies. I hope your site brings much help to many.
The main reason I’m writing is to give you a quick word of encouragement for any of the girls out there who are having a tough time dealing with being teen or unmarried moms. If it’s helpful, please feel free to share this sentiment with anyone who might get encouragement from it.
I just graduated from college (May) and married my terrific wife a week later — she’s the one who sent me this URL; she knows that this is a topic close to my heart. We’ve been married just over six months now and things are going very well. We found out a short while ago that we are pregnant with our first baby! We are thrilled to know that the little kid on the way will be pattering around in a couple of years and we’re praying that we’ll be good parents. I adore my wife and I am thrilled that we’re having a baby together.
So, what I wanted to say to any girl who is pregnant and in uncertain times, struggling or afraid is that their babies are beautiful and precious! If anyone is worried that they are somehow less beautiful inside or less desirable to good guys because they have had a baby so young, I want to encourage them that there are a ton of guys out there (like me) who will not think ANY less about them! We (speaking for good, kind, loving, stable, and worthwhile guys) will love them for who they are and will love their kids as our own because the kids came from them.
Don’t be discouraged! Some guys might be a little too uncomfortable with it, but a whole lot of us are would not be bothered at all.
Thanks, Becky, for your site. Let me know if there’s anything I might be able to do to help you (volunteer labor or anything). If I’m able, I will!
Sir Robert Burbridge |
Dear Sir Robert —
Hello! I am Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
You know what? I received an e-mail just this morning from a girl who was worried that if she had her baby that she would never find a man to love her. I knew that was just her fear speaking – but you are right. There are so many girls out there who are afraid that they will never meet a man that will love her because she has a baby. I love what you said and girls all over the globe truly need to hear from a Stand Up Guy too!
Just so you know – the girl I spoke to you about earlier decided that she is going to keep her baby and we are both overjoyed!
Thank you so much for being willing to be a Stand Up Guy and to tell girls that really need to hear the hope, that it really is possible to have someone love you. Even with a child …
Thank you!
Luv Lisa |
Rebecca St James, with several gold albums and singles to her credit, granted StandUpGirl an interview. We discussed what she hears from young women as she tours on concert around the world, depression, redemption, and self-esteem. In her career as a singer, she has met thousands of young women and tells us what she hears and feels about their relationships.
StandUpGirl – Hello Rebecca, thanks for taking time from your busy schedule to speak with us.
Rebecca St. James – My pleasure.
StandUpGirl – You have spent most of your adult life singing to young people around the world. Your music touches on the joys and the sorrows that young women experience as they set out in life. You have had a lot of singles that have gone gold and several albums including If I Had a Chance To Tell You Something, a brand new album just released. You have written 3 books: Away From Me, Sister Freaks, and recently, She Teen. Through all that work, you have talked to a lot of young people about being faithful and patient. You must have heard back from some of them about their life experiences with young men. What are you hearing from these young women?
Rebecca St. James – Every night at performances, young people thank me for my message about saving sex for marriage. I started speaking about that when I was probably 16. So really my entire ministry, 12 years now, I have been speaking about this issue of purity. I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area and really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good and just please yourself and they are not talking about the consequences. They are not talking about the emotional pain that comes from giving yourself to somebody outside of the commitment of marriage and the covenant of marriage. They are not talking about STD’s. They are not talking about AIDS.
So I really want to be a part of pointing young people to God’s way. That it is the best, and it is wonderful and that it is doable. You know that I am 28 years old and I am a virgin. I am waiting you know.
I hear lots of stories from young girls and I have spoken to young girls who are now married who are dealing with STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). Because of opportunities, I met one girl who slept with her boyfriend after he pressured her to have sex with him and he broke up with her a week later. And because of that, she got involved with drugs and alcohol and slept with a bunch of different guys after that.
StandUpGirl – A story our visitors have seen play out time and time again, unfortunately.
Rebecca St. James – I hear the pretty intense stories, but then I also talk to them about forgiveness and second chances. And they know that there is hope.
StandUpGirl – On that theme, Becky and the staff at StandUpGirl talk to a lot of young women every day. A common thread that we see in our communications with these girls is the idea that once virginity is lost there is no point in thinking about purity any longer. That they simply can’t go back. So, what would you say to those girls, Rebecca?
Rebecca St. James – Yeah. Well, I think that is one of The Enemy’s biggest lies in this area. Is this lie that, “Hey, once you’ve had sex, you have blown it, so you might as well keep having sex.” I believe that The Enemy just wants young people to stay living in that sin and stay trapped by it. To really steal, kill, and destroy trust in these young people’s lives. What I really share every time I talk about purity I talk about forgiveness. And I have a love song I wrote to my future husband saying, “I am waiting for you. Will you wait for me too?” And there is a line in the song that says, “Now, I know you may have made mistakes, but there is forgiveness and a second chance. So wait.”
That message of forgiveness is so important for all of us because everyone of us has made mistakes and fallen short. We all deal with guilt. We all deal with shame. But, God is the Father who has His arms open wide and is waiting for us to run home to Him. I have a song on my new album called, “You Are Loved.” It was partially implied by that girl that I told you about before, whose boyfriend broke up with her a week after she had slept with him. That boyfriend told her that the reason he slept with her was to make sure that he didn’t love her. So she was dealing with such incredible amounts of rejection from that that she even tried to commit suicide along with all the other stuff that was going on with her life, slashing her wrists. I really felt lead just to talk to her about forgiveness and second chances. I wrote on her hand in black marker, “YOU ARE LOVED” and I told her every day to look at that and to remember that she is so loved by God. God doesn’t want her to live in that sin. She can be free. She can have a second virginity and so that is something that is really, really important to for me to share.
StandUpGirl – We have heard a lot of stories like that on StandUpGirl as well.
Rebecca St. James – Yes. It shows.
StandUpGirl -Your experience there with her is something that is not as uncommon as we would like it to be, certainly. It is heartbreaking.
Rebecca St. James – Yeah, it is.
StandUpGirl – So, I want to go back to another idea that you touched on in your first answer. This notion that abstinence is a good thing for women and is a realistic lifestyle is something that shows up in your concerts and in your music. How do you think that young women are responding to that idea and how does that effect your personal relationships with men?
Rebecca St. James – OK, Well, I think sometimes this concept of waiting is a wonderful way. I think it is something that really needs to be affirmed in our culture because I think there is almost this conception, and I have spoken of this in my concerts, in “Oh, yes. So we should wait.” Like Christian teens. “We should wait. I know it is a good idea. Like, I know God wants us to do that.” But not really like celebrating how awesome waiting is. I think waiting is one of the most romantic things that you can do. I mean, really. I have t-shirt that says, “Waiting For My Prince Charming” you know and I just feel like I just had another t-shirt made recently that says, “Waiting For My Holy Hunk”. I think there is a lot of joy and celebration in living God’s way. Like I said before, you are free from so many things not only the emotional consequences but all the other things I have listed before too. And it is something to celebrate. You can stand for God in this area with your friends and pray for accountability.
I am just so excited about going to my honeymoon, you know, on my first night with my husband not thinking about all the other guys I had been with. I am just excited about how romantic and beautiful and right that is. I think just affirming that, “Hey, God’s way is the best and it’s not like you are missing out on anything. You’re making your future more wonderful and there is a lot of joy in the journey while you wait.
You also asked about my boundaries with men. How my commitment effects my relationships with guys. I only date, obviously, Christian guys, also guys who are already committed to waiting as well and they are going to stand with me on that and are not going to push me down a way that I feel very strongly about not going. And then there are other things like if we happen to be alone in a room, especially alone in a room at night, we keep a shoe in the door. Keep the door propped open so that anyone could walk in at any point. And just that whole knowing that somebody could come in at any point really keeps me from getting up to mischief. Those are just some things that I have instituted in my life that have really, really helped.
StandUpGirl – I know you have to go, and we only have a couple of minutes left. I did want to ask, you have this “Waiting For My Prince Charming” T-shirt that you have designed. Would it be possible for us to sell that on the website?
Rebecca St. James – Oh, I am sure, you would be very welcome.
StandUpGirl – Thanks so much Rebecca, good luck with your performance tonight.
Rebecca St. James – You keep up the good work there too!
Goodbye.
I went to a birthday party. It was like my first time going to a real party. I met a guy who was a lot older than me. At that time he was 23, we started dating a few days after the party, he was so sweet, he would always call me like a hundred times a day, gave me flowers, take me to dinner, all those things that can win over a girl’s heart and even more at 14 being so naive. I fell completely in love, one day he took me to a party, he offered me a tequila, which I rejected cuz of everything my mom used to tell me (and she was so right), he insisted, so I took a shot, he then offered me another shot, and another, and another,
Dear Becky and Lisa —
This is a beautiful site for young girls who are pregnant, alone, and scared. I am writing because I want to share my personal story with you and with the other girls that come here looking for help and guidance. Being a pregnant teen and scared isn’t easy, but it’s good. Knowing you are not alone is key in being able to make good decisions for yourself and your unborn baby.
I’m 18 years old and I have a 3 and a half years old daughter, her name is Isabella. When I was 14, I went to a birthday party. It was like my first time going to a real party. I met a guy who was a lot older than me, at that time he was 23. We started dating a few days after the party. He was so sweet, he would always call me like a hundred times a day, gave me flowers, take me to dinner, all those things that can win over a girl’s heart and even more at 14, being so naive. I fell completely in love.
One day, he took me to a party. He offered me a tequila, which I rejected cuz of everything my mom used to tell me (and she was so right). He insisted, so I took a shot. He then offered me another shot, and another, and another. When I told him we had to leave cuz it was late and I tried to stand up, I was so dizzy and I couldn’t even move. I was so drunk. He helped me and he was supposed to drive me home but he didn’t. He took me into his apartment and the rest is history. I’m gonna be really honest with you, I can’t even remember what happened that day. I just woke up the next morning with a very bad headache, so I stayed in bed the whole day. At night, I called him. He didn’t answer my call. The days went by. He never called me again and I was so sad. I didn’t know what was happening or why he wouldn’t answer my calls.
3 weeks later, I started waking up and having nausea. One day at school, I felt really dizzy. I almost fainted. Since then, I started feeling horrible in the morning and at night, my mom was so worried that she wanted me to have a ‘conversation’ with me, she went straight to the point and ask if I’ve had been with a boy sexually speaking. I said of course not. She said she believed me but that she had bought something for me, and I was like “OK sure.” It was a pregnancy test. I did the test cuz I didn’t know what happened that night. I knew my boyfriend loved me so much that he’d never do something like that to me. So I wasn’t afraid or something to take the test, and obviously I wasn’t thinking on being pregnant. The big surprise was that the test came out to be positive, I was pregnant. I was so shocked, I couldn’t even speak. My mother started to cry. I tried to explain her but she didn’t let me. She told my father the same night. He yelled at me and said horrible things about me. I went to my boyfriend’s apartment and asked him why he wasn’t returning my calls. I also was asking him to explain to me what happened the other night cuz I told him what was happening. When he found out that I was pregnant, he broke up with me. He said the baby wasn’t his. He even kicked me out of his house and called me a sl*t. I was devastated, I couldn’t believe it.
The next morning when I woke up, my parents had packed up a bag with all my my clothes, shoes, everything. I didn’t know what they were going to do, I was really scared, I couldn’t stop crying. They said, “It’s your choice, you see, you’re 14 years old and definitively not prepared for a baby. Now, you can choose between keeping the baby or moving out of here.” I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing from my own parents, from the people who brought me into this world. I chose an abortion, not cuz I wanted but I didn’t have no choice actually. I didn’t have a job or money. I didn’t have anywhere to go. I was actually at my parents’ mercy. They took me into a hospital to be a 100% sure of my pregnancy and when they were completely sure, we went into a clinic to get the abortion done. I cried all the way into the clinic and when we arrived there, the nurse said I could always say no to the procedure if I wasn’t sure that I wanted to get an abortion. I told my parents I would’ve never expected for them to say I should kill my unborn baby so I left the clinic. I went to my best friend’s home to talk about what was happening and she said I couldn’t stay there, that her mother wouldn’t allow it for obvious reasons.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt so lost and lonely but I called my older sister. She was 21 at the time and she moved out from home since she was 18. She told me she would me pick me up at my parents’ house, so I just took some clothes, shoes, and stuff like that. She told me she didn’t have enough money to support me and obviously, she didn’t have any money to raise a child but she said she could help me find a job, and she did. Since I wasn’t going to school anymore, I was working full time, so I earned some cash. I helped my sister with food, with the phone bill, and stuff like that. My parents were mad, and have stayed that way with my sister and me and they have never spoken to us ever since.
I gave birth on May 27th to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Her father doesn’t even know her. I think she’s more than he deserves. My sister tried to support me in all the ways she could and I’m so thankful cuz of that. I don’t know where I would be without her. I love her so much. She’s been married for over a year now. She gave me her apartment when she moved to her new home with her husband. I’m still working full time. My sister comes and helps me take care of Isabella while I’m working, and I don’t care how hard I have to work to give my baby a life that she deserves. I’m trying to give her everything cuz she deserves the entire world. Now that my daughter will begin pre-school soon, I’m planning to finish high school, and hopefully I will able to do it.
So my advice is no matter how hard your life gets. It always turns out to be better if you just think clearly, work hard, and remain calm. So if you’re consider gettin’ an abortion, please think about it again. Remember I chose life for my baby and I don’t regret it at all. I went through a lot of things but at the end, I made it and here I am with my daughter and everytime I see her, I thank God for having her.
Thanks so much again for having this wonderful site, and for helping young girls to face an unexpected pregnancy. I hope if they read my story, it can help girls realize you are never alone and that your baby deserves a chance to come into the world.
Danna
Dearest Danna — hello!
Wow! What a wonderful life story you have Danna and you are such a wonderful Stand Up Girl!
Isn’t it amazing at how wonderful you can feel when you look into the eyes of your precious little girl?
I am so so sorry that your parents have distanced themselves from you and your daughter. They really are missing out on so so much!
And I do have to say that your sister is a wonderful Stand Up Girl too! I bet your little Isabella is a beautiful little girl!
Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful story for choosing life!
It really made my day!
Luv Lisa
