I told him and he was really supportive, but nobody else knew, not my mum or any member of my family. I went to the doctor’s who confirmed I was pregnant, but I was upset. My mum has always said to me you will always have to have an abortion because you cannot have a baby at a young age and that was in my head all the time.
Dear Becky —
Hey Becky! I’ve been with my boyfriend for the past four months and after a month, we had sex for the first time… and the following month, I missed my period.
I told him and he was really supportive but nobody else knew, not my mum or any member of my family. I went to the doctor’s who confirmed I was pregnant but I was upset. My mum has always said to me you will always have to have an abortion because you cannot have a baby at a young age and that was in my head all the time.
In a way, I didn’t wanna let her down. My boyfriend wanted me to get rid of the baby as well due to the fact that we was too young. I booked my abortion and I felt sick on the phone.
I went to the clinic for a consultant and my heart was pounding. Seeing my little buddle of joy on the screen, I had this rush of love for my baby. I use to talk to my baby and think of it 24/7 and I knew then I wanted it. I told my boyfriend and he said that it was fine. But things changed and I couldn’t let my family… So I booked an abortion.
As I’m sitting here writing you this, I’m still feeling the pain inside me from my abortion. I was 7 weeks pregnant and would have been 8 weeks tomorrow. I had no pain relief and I felt every single movement. It was horrible but I was happy to take the pain of killing my own baby. I loved this baby with my heart and I really wanted it and 6 hours later, I’m regretting it.
If only I had told my mum. I’m an empty person inside and I cannot stop crying. Please let this letter help. Abortion is wrong and I’ll never go through with it again. I’ve lost my baby and my heart is broken and I’ll leave with this for the rest of my life.
Please Girls. Think of your baby and don’t do it
Kirsty
Dearest Kirsty –
My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
Please forgive me for sending you this e-mail so late after you sent your e-mail, I wanted to be able to give my undivided attention and care in sending you this e-mail. My heart so breaks for you and I wanted to share with you. When I help Becky with e-mails, there are those certain special girls. You are one of those special girls.
Another reason why I’m replying to you is because … I understand your pain to the very depths of my soul. How? Because I also aborted my baby and regret to the very core of my being. May I share my story with you so you can know where I come from? THis way you can know you are not alone and the girl that is talking to you … also knows and has experienced the heartache you have today.
Here is a link back to the site where my story is:
http://standupgirl.com/site/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=74&Itemid=41
Kirsty – I know that deep pain and when you walk down the street you hear a baby cry and your heart aches, you see a mommy loving on her baby and your very being cringes because you long for that feeling too.
Kirsty – your grief is very real and true and you have complete permission to experience it. I’m not giving you some sort of mind thing to do. It’s just that you need to grieve the loss of your baby. Crying is not only OK, it is necessary. Crying is a release. I know that you don’t want anyone to hear you. You want to be able to move on with your life as if it never happened. You and I both know and understand … we can’t just move on. You deserve that time and so does your baby. It’s truly OK.
Kirsty – it sounds like you are in another country – like the UK? I’m in the USA and I would love to refer you to a place where you can maybe find a nearby post abortion group in your area. I went to a post abortion group for each of my 2 babies. I participated in a group and we completed a book called “Forgiven and Set Free” written by Linda Cochran and I highly recommend it! Really I do. It is a wonderful tool of healing and it will bring you THROUGH the grief. It will allow you to put it away on the shelves of your heart … neatly and in order. Don’t do it like I did and wait over 10 years for the grief to build and mount to the point where I tried to find anything I could to relieve me. Drugs, men – anything. Please don’t do what I did.
Here is a link and maybe we can locate a post abortion group in your area.
Otherwise, let’s try to locate a “Forgiven and Set Free” book on line and get one to you. They are not expensive and I would love to see you get some healing. OK?
Please let me know if you do or don’t find anything in your area. OK?
Next is the step that I took and this is the most important one. You see Kirsty – I now have a relationship with Jesus Christ and He removed all of my guilt and shame. He can do that for you too. Do you know who He is? You probably already do, but do you have a personal relationship with Him? It’s really a cool thing and I just love having a personal relationship with Him. I can talk to Him any time and He is always with me. He forgave me of the sin of my abortion and in the Bible it tells me even though I have things in my life that made me as red as crimson, He has washed me and made me as white as snow.
Do you want to know how to have that relation ship with Him? I don’t share this with everyone that comes to the website. Only those that I feel like I have this special kind of place with.
All’s it takes is asking Him. THat’s it! Can you believe how easy that is? If you believe that Jesus Christ came to earth as God in flesh, that He lived a perfecly sinless life here on earth, that He was born of the Virgin Mary and that He died on the cross to forgive you and me of our sins … woo hoo – then let’s take it. That’s a free gift that is being offered to you and to me. To wipe us clean from this sin in our lives.
Are you interested in doing this with me? I’ll say a prayer with you if you want. I tell you what. I’ll type the prayer and then I’ll read it out loud and I will say it in my heart too. If you want to, when you read it, if you mean it from your heart you can say it to yourself but to Him, or you can even say it out loud with me. K’?
“Dear Jesus, I thank you for dying on the cross for my sins, and rising again on the third day. Please Lord, wipe me clean … as white as snow like you said You would. And thank you. Please be my Lord, be my Savior and be my Friend. I thank you that I am now a child of God and that I am now forgiven and am going to heaven. It is in Jesus’ name I pray. Amen!”
Did you say that prayer with me? Did you cry like I did? Wow Kirsty! If you said that prayer … let me know. I’m so proud of you.
If you didn’t say that prayer, then that’s OK. Just save this e-mail for later in case you want to say it some other time. OK?
Just know that in any case, I’m right here. A new Stand Up friend that totally understands your heart. I’m here with a shoulder ready at any time.
OK?
OK. 🙂
Luv Lisa
One morning, I woke up and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I stayed home from school, thinking I just had the flu. I didn’t even think about being pregnant. It wasn’t until health class one day that I even thought about that possibility. We were talking about the symptoms women get when they are pregnant. I had some of the symptoms.
Dear Becky — Hi. I am 16 years old. I found out I was Pregnant about 6 months ago. I was really scared, but when I found your site, I got really excited. I read stories of girls my age that had kept their babies. I have decided to keep my baby. Without the father’s help.
Well, Here’s my story.
My friend was going out with my best guy friend. (I had a crush on him sense forever, but I always thought he looked at me as just a friend.)
Well, one night, they got into a huge fight and he came over to talk. I guess things just got out of control. One minute we were talking and the next we were taking off each other’s clothes. I know we shouldn’t have. I felt so horrible.
How could I do something that horrible to my friend? I had sex for the first time that night. We didn’t use protection.
He and I never talked about what happened. We never told her. They got back together the next day. Every time they were together, I would get really jealous. I had no right to be jealous but I was and I couldn’t help it.
Well, a month had passed and it seemed like everything was about back to normal between us again. One morning, I woke up and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. I stayed home from school, thinking I just had the flu. I didn’t even think about being pregnant. It wasn’t until health class one day that I even thought about that possibility. We were talking about the symptoms women get when they are pregnant. I had some of the symptoms.
I went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. It was Positive. I cried myself to sleep that night. I had sex ONE TIME and I got pregnant. I felt like I was being punished.
I called the next day and told him. I was crying the whole time. He kept saying he was sorry over and over again. He told her the next day. They broke up and she hasn’t talked to either of us sense. I don’t blame her. Look as what we did.
We told our parents. His parents said I should get an abortion. They were so mad at us. I even thought about abortion. I set up an appointment and everything. But I couldn’t go through with it. I don’t believe in it. It would go against every thing I believe in. I was looking online at baby things and I found your site. I read some girls’ stories and I decided to keep my baby.
We were together as much as possible at first. But then we started fighting. He goes out drinking with his friends all the time now. We don’t talk much anymore. I don’t want to raise my child on my own, but I will if I have to.
I will name my baby Lily Marie if it is a girl and Lee Jordan if it is a boy. I am 7 months along and I am getting really nervous about having my baby. But I know I can do it.
Rae
Dearest Rae – I’m Lisa and I am from the Stand Up Girl website.
I have to tell you as I am beginning my response to you … I am almost speechless! You are truly a Stand Up Girl and I am so happy that you did not choose to abort as his parents had wanted you to do. This is their grandbaby and there will come a day when everyone will see your baby and everyone will fall in love.
But in the meantime you are Standing strong and I am so very proud of you!
The names you chose for your baby are absolutely beautiful! Perfect!
Please know, you do not Stand alone, Rae! Keep coming back to our website and read about more stores of girls like you.
I truly believe that your story will also encourage another girl … just like the stories on our site have encouraged you.
I’m sure your story will also touch someone out there … someone who just needed to read your story to be encouraged!
Thank you for your e-mail.
Luv Lisa
I got there and sat in the waiting room with the millions of other girls sitting there alone and by themselves. But I wasn’t alone I had my boyfriend there, and I still felt as alone as ever. I felt like cattle or something. I went into the room by myself and got my ultra sound the lady handed me the picture and I started to cry and cry. I saw that little baby and it didn’t matter if we were ready or not. It’s not that little baby’s fault. I felt like I could not breathe and …
Dear Becky — It was a month after my eighteenth birthday I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend suggested that we go to the abortion clinic. That it was something that we needed to do because we were not ready to have a baby. I agreed and at around 2 months we went.
I got there and sat in the waiting room with the millions of other girls sitting there alone and by themselves. But I wasn’t alone I had my boyfriend there, and I still felt as alone as ever. I felt like cattle or something. I went into the room by myself and got my ultra sound the lady handed me the picture and I started to cry and cry. I saw that little baby and it didn’t matter if we were ready or not. It’s not that little baby’s fault. I felt like I could not breathe and I wanted more then anything to just get out of there. I went out to the waiting room where my boyfriend was waiting and ran to him crying. I showed him the picture and said “look, parents are supposed to protect their babies, not kill them”. He agreed and said that whatever I wanted he would be okay with. We left and went home and showed our parents. They were mad, my mom wanted me to go to college and thought my life would be over. I had her last January- her first birthday and first Christmas is coming soon. She is my little angel and she has brought more Joy to my life then I could ever imagine. I can’t image my life without her and I feel horrible that her life was almost ended and she wouldn’t be here with us. We are a family and I’m going to college. Things work out for the best. It makes me cry to just think about it. I am her mommy and I have protected her from the moment I walked out of that place and will protect her for the rest of her life, exactly what a mommy is supposed to do.
Joy
Dearest Joy — I type this letter to you with tears in my eyes and I am so very touched by your story! Your story so touched my heart and I was overjoyed at the turn of events that took place. The choice for life that you made.
I truly believe that many girls will be able to identify with your story – before they even decide to go to the clinic.
I bet your mom is a proud grandma now. Joy – thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful story with me. It really made my day!
Luv Lisa
The pain of having an abortion may take years to emerge, according to a new study published today.
Researchers in Norway compared the experiences of women who suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage with those who underwent abortion.
Women were interviewed at periods of up to five years after the event.
The pain of having an abortion may take years to emerge, according to a new study published today.
Researchers in Norway compared the experiences of women who suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage with those who underwent abortion.
Women were interviewed at periods of up to five years after the event.
Writing in the journal BMC Medicine, the researchers say that women who suffered miscarriage experienced more mental distress for the six months following the loss.
But two years later, it was the women who had abortions who were experienced mental misery – and this was the same five years afterwards.
Researcher Anne Nordal Broen, of the University of Oslo, in Norway, and colleagues from the Buskerud Hospital in Drammen, Norway, studied 40 women who suffered miscarriages and 80 who had abortions.
They write: “Women who had an abortion experienced high levels of anxiety, feelings of guilt, shame, and relief and had to make efforts to avoid thoughts about the event.
“When compared with women from the general population, women who had an abortion experienced more anxiety ten days, six months, two years and five years after the event.”
BMC Medicine December 12, 2005
Date: December 12, 2005
So, what I wanted to say to any girl who is pregnant and in uncertain times, struggling or afraid, is that their babies are beautiful and precious! If anyone is worried that they are somehow less beautiful inside or less desirable to good guys because they have had a baby so young,
Hey Becky —
First, I want to thank you for your site. I’m grateful that you are helping to inform girls about their pregnancies and their babies. I hope your site brings much help to many.
The main reason I’m writing is to give you a quick word of encouragement for any of the girls out there who are having a tough time dealing with being teen or unmarried moms. If it’s helpful, please feel free to share this sentiment with anyone who might get encouragement from it.
I just graduated from college (May) and married my terrific wife a week later — she’s the one who sent me this URL; she knows that this is a topic close to my heart. We’ve been married just over six months now and things are going very well. We found out a short while ago that we are pregnant with our first baby! We are thrilled to know that the little kid on the way will be pattering around in a couple of years and we’re praying that we’ll be good parents. I adore my wife and I am thrilled that we’re having a baby together.
So, what I wanted to say to any girl who is pregnant and in uncertain times, struggling or afraid is that their babies are beautiful and precious! If anyone is worried that they are somehow less beautiful inside or less desirable to good guys because they have had a baby so young, I want to encourage them that there are a ton of guys out there (like me) who will not think ANY less about them! We (speaking for good, kind, loving, stable, and worthwhile guys) will love them for who they are and will love their kids as our own because the kids came from them.
Don’t be discouraged! Some guys might be a little too uncomfortable with it, but a whole lot of us are would not be bothered at all.
Thanks, Becky, for your site. Let me know if there’s anything I might be able to do to help you (volunteer labor or anything). If I’m able, I will!
Sir Robert Burbridge |
Dear Sir Robert —
Hello! I am Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
You know what? I received an e-mail just this morning from a girl who was worried that if she had her baby that she would never find a man to love her. I knew that was just her fear speaking – but you are right. There are so many girls out there who are afraid that they will never meet a man that will love her because she has a baby. I love what you said and girls all over the globe truly need to hear from a Stand Up Guy too!
Just so you know – the girl I spoke to you about earlier decided that she is going to keep her baby and we are both overjoyed!
Thank you so much for being willing to be a Stand Up Guy and to tell girls that really need to hear the hope, that it really is possible to have someone love you. Even with a child …
Thank you!
Luv Lisa |
Rebecca St James, with several gold albums and singles to her credit, granted StandUpGirl an interview. We discussed what she hears from young women as she tours on concert around the world, depression, redemption, and self-esteem. In her career as a singer, she has met thousands of young women and tells us what she hears and feels about their relationships.
StandUpGirl – Hello Rebecca, thanks for taking time from your busy schedule to speak with us.
Rebecca St. James – My pleasure.
StandUpGirl – You have spent most of your adult life singing to young people around the world. Your music touches on the joys and the sorrows that young women experience as they set out in life. You have had a lot of singles that have gone gold and several albums including If I Had a Chance To Tell You Something, a brand new album just released. You have written 3 books: Away From Me, Sister Freaks, and recently, She Teen. Through all that work, you have talked to a lot of young people about being faithful and patient. You must have heard back from some of them about their life experiences with young men. What are you hearing from these young women?
Rebecca St. James – Every night at performances, young people thank me for my message about saving sex for marriage. I started speaking about that when I was probably 16. So really my entire ministry, 12 years now, I have been speaking about this issue of purity. I so believe that it is incredibly important because I see a lot of my generation being ripped off in this area and really thrown a lie that you can do whatever feels good and just please yourself and they are not talking about the consequences. They are not talking about the emotional pain that comes from giving yourself to somebody outside of the commitment of marriage and the covenant of marriage. They are not talking about STD’s. They are not talking about AIDS.
So I really want to be a part of pointing young people to God’s way. That it is the best, and it is wonderful and that it is doable. You know that I am 28 years old and I am a virgin. I am waiting you know.
I hear lots of stories from young girls and I have spoken to young girls who are now married who are dealing with STDs (sexually transmitted diseases). Because of opportunities, I met one girl who slept with her boyfriend after he pressured her to have sex with him and he broke up with her a week later. And because of that, she got involved with drugs and alcohol and slept with a bunch of different guys after that.
StandUpGirl – A story our visitors have seen play out time and time again, unfortunately.
Rebecca St. James – I hear the pretty intense stories, but then I also talk to them about forgiveness and second chances. And they know that there is hope.
StandUpGirl – On that theme, Becky and the staff at StandUpGirl talk to a lot of young women every day. A common thread that we see in our communications with these girls is the idea that once virginity is lost there is no point in thinking about purity any longer. That they simply can’t go back. So, what would you say to those girls, Rebecca?
Rebecca St. James – Yeah. Well, I think that is one of The Enemy’s biggest lies in this area. Is this lie that, “Hey, once you’ve had sex, you have blown it, so you might as well keep having sex.” I believe that The Enemy just wants young people to stay living in that sin and stay trapped by it. To really steal, kill, and destroy trust in these young people’s lives. What I really share every time I talk about purity I talk about forgiveness. And I have a love song I wrote to my future husband saying, “I am waiting for you. Will you wait for me too?” And there is a line in the song that says, “Now, I know you may have made mistakes, but there is forgiveness and a second chance. So wait.”
That message of forgiveness is so important for all of us because everyone of us has made mistakes and fallen short. We all deal with guilt. We all deal with shame. But, God is the Father who has His arms open wide and is waiting for us to run home to Him. I have a song on my new album called, “You Are Loved.” It was partially implied by that girl that I told you about before, whose boyfriend broke up with her a week after she had slept with him. That boyfriend told her that the reason he slept with her was to make sure that he didn’t love her. So she was dealing with such incredible amounts of rejection from that that she even tried to commit suicide along with all the other stuff that was going on with her life, slashing her wrists. I really felt lead just to talk to her about forgiveness and second chances. I wrote on her hand in black marker, “YOU ARE LOVED” and I told her every day to look at that and to remember that she is so loved by God. God doesn’t want her to live in that sin. She can be free. She can have a second virginity and so that is something that is really, really important to for me to share.
StandUpGirl – We have heard a lot of stories like that on StandUpGirl as well.
Rebecca St. James – Yes. It shows.
StandUpGirl -Your experience there with her is something that is not as uncommon as we would like it to be, certainly. It is heartbreaking.
Rebecca St. James – Yeah, it is.
StandUpGirl – So, I want to go back to another idea that you touched on in your first answer. This notion that abstinence is a good thing for women and is a realistic lifestyle is something that shows up in your concerts and in your music. How do you think that young women are responding to that idea and how does that effect your personal relationships with men?
Rebecca St. James – OK, Well, I think sometimes this concept of waiting is a wonderful way. I think it is something that really needs to be affirmed in our culture because I think there is almost this conception, and I have spoken of this in my concerts, in “Oh, yes. So we should wait.” Like Christian teens. “We should wait. I know it is a good idea. Like, I know God wants us to do that.” But not really like celebrating how awesome waiting is. I think waiting is one of the most romantic things that you can do. I mean, really. I have t-shirt that says, “Waiting For My Prince Charming” you know and I just feel like I just had another t-shirt made recently that says, “Waiting For My Holy Hunk”. I think there is a lot of joy and celebration in living God’s way. Like I said before, you are free from so many things not only the emotional consequences but all the other things I have listed before too. And it is something to celebrate. You can stand for God in this area with your friends and pray for accountability.
I am just so excited about going to my honeymoon, you know, on my first night with my husband not thinking about all the other guys I had been with. I am just excited about how romantic and beautiful and right that is. I think just affirming that, “Hey, God’s way is the best and it’s not like you are missing out on anything. You’re making your future more wonderful and there is a lot of joy in the journey while you wait.
You also asked about my boundaries with men. How my commitment effects my relationships with guys. I only date, obviously, Christian guys, also guys who are already committed to waiting as well and they are going to stand with me on that and are not going to push me down a way that I feel very strongly about not going. And then there are other things like if we happen to be alone in a room, especially alone in a room at night, we keep a shoe in the door. Keep the door propped open so that anyone could walk in at any point. And just that whole knowing that somebody could come in at any point really keeps me from getting up to mischief. Those are just some things that I have instituted in my life that have really, really helped.
StandUpGirl – I know you have to go, and we only have a couple of minutes left. I did want to ask, you have this “Waiting For My Prince Charming” T-shirt that you have designed. Would it be possible for us to sell that on the website?
Rebecca St. James – Oh, I am sure, you would be very welcome.
StandUpGirl – Thanks so much Rebecca, good luck with your performance tonight.
Rebecca St. James – You keep up the good work there too!
Goodbye.
