I just thought that I would share my story in a blog and that it may help or influence some other teen mothers or teens trying to become a teen mother.
When I was fifteen years old, I was at home on my couch when my mother asked me if I had my period. Which made me start to think and then I realized that I hadn’t. My mom took me to the doctor for numerous reasons and came to find out I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to think or what to do. There was just an empty feeling in my stomach. My mother began to cry but for some reason, I couldn’t. All I could think about was that I was going to be a mother, and I was going to be responsible for someone else’s life. I followed up with the OBGYN and found out that I was almost three months pregnant. All of a sudden, I went from scared and disappointed to excited. I began to think on what I would name my child and if it was going to be a boy or a girl and how I was going to break it to my baby’s father. I hadn’t talked to my baby’s father since the night that I conceived my baby. Then come to find out he was in jail, so I had no way of contacting him what so ever.
Time came to pass and I met a wonderful guy and he knew I was pregnant and was going to step up to the plate and be there for me and my child. Things were going great, I went to the baby doctor and found out that my baby was a girl! I was kind of disappointed but I didn’t really care as long as I knew she was healthy. Then my beautiful baby girl was born! I had a rough labor and things didn’t go as planned but she was healthy and that was all that mattered to me. My boyfriend, the one I mentioned earlier, was there with me the whole time. He cried when she was born, and he treated her just like she was his. Then my baby’s father got out of jail and I let him know about the baby…
We tried to work things out and he said he wanted to be in her life. So I broke up with my boyfriend and let him step in. He came to see my baby girl when she was 4 months old, he hugged her, and kissed her, and loved on and it melted my heart. But, things didn’t work out between me and him about a week later so he decides to break up with me and deny our beautiful daughter. It was fine with me at the time because I missed my ex anyways, he treated me a lot better. But, at the same time I wanted what was best for my daughter and I thought she needed her father and I didn’t know what exactly was best for her at the time. But, I got back with my ex and he stood by my side for the longest time. Then me and him broke things off and it was just me and my baby girl out there to fend for ourselves!
And here we are today, I’m 17 years old with no job, still in school, no emotional or financial support from anyone.. and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I love my daughter so much and I wouldn’t take her back for the world. She’s my strength and my rock. She is what keeps me going. But, at the same time, my life is in a rut. I’m not getting to do the things other teenagers my age are getting to do, and I’m not getting to live my life to the fullest. And I strongly encourage if you’re a teen TRYING to get pregnant, don’t. Wait until you’re ready.. so you can provide for your baby and you’re financially and emotional stable enough to take care of him or her. Do not bring a baby into this world not knowing how your going to afford it or take care of it.
If you guys need support or anything or have any questions, I’m here and I’d be glad to help!
I was a Junior in college when I found out I was pregnant — just over 20 years old, with my entire future ahead of me.
I had been seeing the father of my baby for almost 3 years. I was very deeply in love with him and at one time, I thought that we would spend the rest of our lives together. But our relationship had always been tumultuous. He was emotionally unstable and verbally and emotionally abusive. He cheated on me frequently and always picked fights with me, calling me horrible names and accusing me of awful things I never said or did. Later, he would drink himself sick and call me in the middle of the night to “take care of him.” Often times, when this happened. he would break down crying and tell me how much he loved me and how sorry he was for treating me so badly. I believed him…until I got pregnant.
I got pregnant right after Thanksgiving. At that time, the father of my baby had been “dating” another girl for about a month. I had been using NuvaRing birth control, but upon returning to school after Thanksgiving break, I forgot to pick up my prescription on time. The father of my baby didn’t like to use condoms, and we hadn’t used them for a long time. But I thought it would be okay to have sex with him anyway, since my period had just ended and I had only recently gotten off the birth control. I had always heard that it was rare to get pregnant under those circumstances.
The very next day after I had sex, I had a gut feeling that I was pregnant. I became paranoid and started obsessing over it, especially when I didn’t get my period 2 weeks later. The father of my baby was going through one of his mood swings, giving me the cold shoulder. To get his attention, I told him that I thought I was pregnant. He was furious. He immediately blamed me for everything, saying that it was all my fault because I wasn’t on birth control like I was “supposed to be.” I responded by saying that I didn’t see him reaching for a condom. He accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to try to rope him into marrying me, saying that I was jealous of his other girlfriend and I didn’t want him to “move on” from our relationship. Despite all of his harsh words, he was inviting me to have sex with him and telling me he loved me again just a few days later.
At that time, I was on speaking terms with his other girlfriend. We had met previously at a party when they were “just friends.” I told her that I was pregnant, and if I was I knew it was his. She confronted him about it and he denied even having sex with me. She believed him.
I went home for winter break in early December. I made a comment to my mom, hinting that I might be pregnant. My aunt was visiting us at the time for Christmas. She bought me two pregnancy tests. They both had positive results, but I didn’t believe the tests because the line was faint. We went to buy another pregnancy test to make sure, and my dad spotted us in the HPT aisle. He asked me if I was pregnant. I said I thought so. I took the other test and it too resulted in a positive. My mom was in the room with me when I found out. She held me while we both cried.
I immediately went to tell the father of my baby that I was pregnant. He was outraged and demanded that I get an abortion. My family is 100% against abortion, and so am I, so abortion was never an option for me. He told me that he would leave me and never speak to me again if I didn’t get an abortion. He said that if I aborted our baby, he would break up with his other girlfriend and devote himself to me. I knew that he was lying either way. I told him that there was no way I was getting an abortion, whether he liked it or not. He then asked me to look into adoption, but I didn’t feel right about that either. I thought it was wrong to burden someone else with my own responsibility. I also felt like my baby was MINE, and I didn’t want to let someone else raise my baby.
I begged the father of my baby to tell his other girlfriend and his parents that I was pregnant. I at least hoped that his parents would be somewhat supportive. His mother got pregnant with him when she was only 15 years old, so he is a product of a crisis pregnancy himself. He finally admitted to his other girlfriend that I was pregnant, and after telling her that it wasn’t his baby, he went back and said that it was his baby but that I got pregnant before he and his other girlfriend started dating.
He only went to the doctor with me twice — for my first ultrasound at 12 weeks, and once when I literally had to drag him out of his dorm room to go with me. He would see me in the school cafeteria and ignore me because he would be hanging out with his ex-girlfriend or his fraternity brothers. Every time I went to his room to talk to him or see him, his fraternity brothers would harass me, banging on his door to call me names and tell me to get out. He never did anything to stop them. When I was about 5 months pregnant, he got drunk and called my cell phone over 20 times. He left messages screaming at me and calling our baby “that thing growing in my stomach.” He wanted me to meet him somewhere to talk, but I was afraid that he would hurt me or my baby. He was walking all around campus trying to find me. My friends hid me in their room so he wouldn’t know where I was.
To make a long story short, his mother only found out I was pregnant after I called my mom in tears and asked her to call and tell his mother that he had gotten me pregnant. He had told his mother things about me that caused her not to like me anymore (she used to love me), so I was afraid that she would hang up on me if I tried to tell her myself. My mom reluctantly did as I asked. She said that his mother had no idea that he was even speaking to me anymore, let alone that I was pregnant. She was in shock. After that, I never heard from his mother again. My daughter is now 7 months old, and her paternal grandmother has not even seen her a single time.
My daughter was born on August 23 at 7:55am, a healthy 8lbs. 8oz. and 20 inches long. I was so ready for her to come, and I am so blessed to have her in my life!! She was born in the town where I went to college, so unfortunately, my family was unable to attend the birth, but my mom called just in time to hear her granddaughter’s first cries!! In lieu of my own mother, I had asked the wife of my favorite professor to be with me at the hospital. She and her husband have been like my second family. I lived at their house for 6 weeks before and after my daughter was born, and my professor privately tutored me for the fall semester so I could enjoy my daughter’s infancy without missing school.
The father of my baby never showed up at the hospital. He had a falling out with me about 2 weeks before I gave birth and didn’t talk to me again until my daughter was 1 month old. He saw her for the first time when she was 2 months old. She is now over 7 months old, and he has only seen her 4 more times. None of his relatives have ever seen her. They have never even called to check on her. He never really calls to check on her either.
But, thanks to the support of my first AND second families, my friends, and my college community, I will be graduating ON TIME with my class in May. I also completed my Senior Thesis (required for all Seniors) before its deadline, and it was 100 pages long. In addition, I recently presented a research paper at a conference for students within my major, and I will begin my first year of law school next fall.
I am a YOUNG, SINGLE, SUCCESSFUL mom, and you can be too!! An unexpected pregnancy does not have to be the end of your (or your baby’s) life. As long as you have a strong support system, you can do ANYTHING, even if it means raising a baby and going to school or work all on your own. Even if you feel all alone, you’re not. There are plenty of young women like me who have been in your shoes and have been successful parents, students, and careerists. You can do this, if you want to. Your child WILL change your life, but that doesn’t mean that he or she will change it for the worse. On the contrary, your child will change your life for the BETTER!! Girl, if you can do this, you can do ANYTHING!!
If you have any questions for me, want to know more about my story, or share your own story with me, please feel free to comment or send me a message or e-mail. I would love to hear from you and help in any way I can.
Thanks for reading my story!
So I got my last period March 1st.
I had unprotected sex late the 14th/early morning the 15th.
no condom, birth control, or anything.
I was worried about that so I looked up my ovulation date for this month on some website. It said that with the date of my last period & normal 28 day cycle that I ovulated on the 15th.
it’s been about 16 days since then. I was supposed to start my period 3 days ago on the 29th but it still hasn’t come.
As far as symptoms:
I’ve been really tired, like to the point were I just lay down all day. Even when i am awake my body is like physically exhausted, I’ve been taking a lot of naps during the day.
& headaches. The first week after the 15th and a few days after I was having horrible headaches which is really weird for me because I never get headaches.
The past few days, I started cramping very lightly though. Before I start my period, I usually cramp pretty bad, but these cramps are different. They’re not nearly as bad and they come and go, like I’ll hardly feel them most the time.
my breast are sore to the touch, its not like unbearable though.
I’ve had REALLY bad heartburn the past 2 weeks,
And I’ve had a sour stomach. I had to run to the bathroom several times, thinking I was gonna get sick. I haven’t actually thrown up but I’ve been really queasy.
If I don’t start my period by next Monday, I’m gonna take a test. Since that would be like exactly a week after I was supposed to start.
I’m pregnant. I found out last week.
My boyfriend said that I can either have an adoption or keep the kid. He has been very cool and supportive. The truth is I do not have many options. I am 21 and I’m the star kid at home…good grades and now in varsity. My mum has gone through hell to get pay for my college fees. I want the kid but I know it’ll kill her if she found out.
What can I do??
Well, where to begin.
I’m 19 years old and currently in my first year of a four-year university program. I have a boyfriend, whom I’ve been dating for almost 7 months, but the past four months have been long-distance. On St. Patrick’s Day, March 17th, I went out to the bar with a few of my friends and ended up taking a friend of a friend back to my dorm with me. Since Christmas. I have been off birth control since I didn’t see any need for it while my boyfriend was away. When I took this guy, we’ll call him Bob, back to my dorm, we had sex, not once but twice, both times unprotected. He did pull out both times, but obviously, that was not efficient.
I had an appointment at the health clinic on the 25th, where I found out I was indeed pregnant. I told Bob and he was very understanding of everything and said he’d go to all my future appointments with me, which made things a little bit easier. We automatically knew adoption was out, because after 9 months of carrying a child, I knew I would not be able to just give it up. So it was down to having the baby, or aborting it.
Bob and I are both in school, he still has one year left of his current program, then another two to go after that, I still have another 3 years left in my program. Before St. Patty’s Day, Bob and I had only talked to each other maybe twice, so we really don`t know each other at all. This encounter was cheating on my behalf, and I love my boyfriend to death and if I went through with this pregnancy, I know I would lose the best thing to ever happen to me. Along with being in school goes being in debt, there is not way we could have the money to afford to raise a child and I know I could not give a baby the best life possible at this point, which is what I want for my children.
With these discussions, we decided to get an abortion. Bob, who is a bit religious, believes that abortions are wrong, but now under the circumstances, believes it is the best option. Bob, also knows that he is not ready to be a father, and if I had the baby, he would not be able to support it. In all the reasonings we talked about, I know that it is the best option as well for both of us.. but there is more to the story…
When I was 16, I got pregnant as well, but with twins. I was determined on keeping and raising them, but in the end my mom convinced me to get an abortion, which is why I did. To this day, I still feel bad about getting the abortion, its not that I regret it, just there are many things that remind me of what I did and deep down inside I somehow feel I shouldn`t have.
With this pregnancy, all those feelings from before are coming back, of how terrible I felt afterwards, but I still think it`s the best option.
I don`t know what to do, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
OK, I was 14. I wasn’t very happy at home, my parents were making me depressed because they were strict, nasty, and unloving and I felt very alone.
I met this guy, he seemed so perfect to me. He would say the sweetest things to me and for the first time in a very long time, I felt loved. Then he started getting a bit weird, saying things like “If you ever try to leave me, you won’t be able to. That’s a promise.” But he would always apologize the next day so I never told anyone or tried to stop it. Then he started emotionally bullying, me telling me how ugly and horrible I was, and he was the only one who would ever love me. He lived a while away so we were not face-to-face enough for him to physically abuse me. I knew he would if he could. Still, I never told anyone, even my closest friends.
I was not ready for sex and had told him that very early on. One day when he had come to see me, we were alone. He said to me that if I really loved him, I would have sex with him, though we both knew I didn’t want to. He said he would leave me and I would be alone forever, which scared me so much. I said OK. I found out he had no protection so I tried to tell him to stop but he told me shut up, forcing himself on to me. He apologized after, but I kept a straight face until he had left. I tried to break up with him the next day, but he said no, I couldn’t. He would never let that happen. In the end, I stopped all contact with him and was with someone else for a very short time so he got the idea. He still texted and called me constantly, one minute saying he was coming to make me be with him but then saying it was only because he loved me so much. Still I told no one. I had made out to my friends that our relationship was perfect. I desperately wanted them to see the truth but they believed me.
About a month or two later, I realised I hadn’t had my period. I went and got a test (my friend was with me). I told her it was negative but it was positive.
I had no idea what to do, my parents didn’t really want me and there was NO way I would tell him. I was completely against abortion and though the thought went through my mind, I knew I could never go through with it.
Eventually I got used to the idea of being a mum and I knew I would never be alone if I had my baby. I felt I had purpose. I had even decided to tell my parents and my friends.
I woke up a few nights later in complete pain. There was blood all through my bed. I have never been in so much pain and I had no idea what to do. I sat by myself in the bathroom the whole next day, staring at what should have been my baby, my purpose in life. I had no idea what to do, who to tell. Eventually I cleaned up the mess and put on a mask, shielding my pain from everyone including myself. I cried myself to sleep every night, thinking it was all my fault. I didn’t deserve that joy in my life. I wandered through my life like a zombie for the 2 years, until I met my new boyfriend. We have now been together for 6 months and he was the first person I told everything to. He encouraged me to tell my closest friends and they were shocked but so supportive and loving. All I want now is to have a baby with him, to do it right, but I’m only 16 so I know I have to wait.
That pain still hangs over me and I wonder if it will ever go away. I had lost my baby, after deciding to keep her, seeing her little face on the ultrasound. I lost a part of myself that day and at 14, it was a big part of me to loose. Somehow my parents found out I wasn’t a virgin and said some pretty horrible things to me, though I know I didn’t do it by choice. I know as long as I have him, I will be strong. We love each other so much. We have made plans for a baby when we are a bit older and I’m going to keep holding onto the thought of my baby in my arms and that baby is going to get double the loving, for itself and it’s older sister.
I will never forget you my unborn princess.
xx
