I just turned 21 years old & I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months now. I never really wanted to be with him so I don’t know why I’ve stayed. He’s a nice enough guy but I don’t get the butterflies & I don’t like having him around much or really like him touching me. Then yesterday I got up the nerve to buy 2 pregnancy tests which both turned out positive, I also haven’t got my period this month. I’m stuck between abortion & keeping the baby. I always said I’d have an abortion but I don’t know if I could handle it afterwards.
Dearest Jackie – Hi, my name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
Jackie – trust me when I say that abortion is not the right answer to this. It’s not going to make everything go back the way it was before. You know? You are trying to please everyone else but you. You are a very important person in all of this. Your bf is making you feel bad because he doesn’t want to take financial responsibility. This is just not cool … and you are so much better than this.
Jackie, this baby really does not involve him right now. It is about you and your baby. This child is your child Jackie. See – abortion doesn’t really make your baby just ‘go away’. You know what I mean? The reason why I know this is … well … Is because I had an abortion and there is nothing worse than when you wake up the next morning and realize what has been done. That your baby is gone and there is nothing you can do to change it.
Trust me when I tell you this … you can do this Jackie. You can Stand Up Girl! I so believe in you. You do not have to have the support or even the praises of the father of the baby. Let him deal with it, for now, the way he must deal with it. He will “Stand Up” give him some time. This is your child inside of you.
Jackie – please take this from someone who knows the road that you are about to take. It’s better to take the road of life and not the road of abortion. Your heart is so right when you say “… but I don’t know if I could handle it afterwards.” Now …
Jackie – You see, you and I are on a road called life. When we both came to a fork in the road, one road was called “Abortion” and the other “Life”. I chose the road of abortion and you still stand at that fork in the road. I am able to come back to you from that road and say “Please don’t take this road. Do you see that bend on the road ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mothers heart can know and the reason that there is a bend in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it. Please .. that road will be the very same for you, so please take that road of life. Tell me what it is like. I so wish I could go down that road instead. But I cannot. It’s too late for me and my babies. But it’s not for you and your’s.”
OK – now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice. Especially as you learn about the development of babies in the womb. You will not be able to get out of your head “What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?”
There are so many times when I just wish that I could hold my little baby in my arms. Just at least once. I wish that I could feel his breath in my hair or even to change my babies diaper and see my baby giggle. To see that little gumless smile and to touch my babies face. I will never be able to do that. I will never hear “Mommy”, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night and go to look in at my beautiful little baby in his or her crib sleeping like an angel. I will never get to feel the movement of my baby in my womb – and ohh how I long to experience that.
Please know that no baby that I could even have today would replace the 2 beautiful babies that I aborted.
All of this to say – please understand that you have that motherly instinct strong and alive in you right now. Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is not talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it should be legal and it’s OK – but how many girls do you hear talking – in passing saying “Oh yea, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It was a pretty simple procedure.” You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tattoo! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is a painful, private and subject of shame. Especially those of us that have done it.
Please let me know what I can do. Here is a website to help you locate a nearby center that is completely free and confidential for you. They can help you too. Remember, I’m just a keystroke away.
Please let me know how you are.
I’m so glad you wrote back and have already gone through this so you know what I mean because I don’t know anyone who has had to make this choice and I really needed to talk with someone who has been there already.
So thank you so so much!! I’ve been fighting with this and talked to my best friend about it today..she’s the only one besides my boyfriend who knows. He’s just been making this so difficult. He makes it out to be a contest and maybe it hasn’t hit him yet but it’s incredibly frustrating! For example if I’m feeling sick (which I have been), and want to rest he’ll say well I can’t breath right now because my back is so bad I don’t think I can even work tomorrow. He does this constantly and I don’t know what to say to handle it correctly. He’s already said a few things that make me wonder..like if I have this baby I know he’ll compete with him/her..and he won’t win out. I’d love for him to be involved but I don’t think I can handle him.
I would never be one of those mothers who use the child against the father to get something such as money, attention, and what not because I am perfectly capeable of that myself. What worries me is that what if the child never knows the father because he’s left..or what if he stays and the child wonders, “why doesn’t daddy love me, or treat me the way other dads do..?” Things like that are what get to me. I’m not sure how far along I am, but as soon as I found out I quit drinking, even stopped drinking coffee and started taking folic acid vitamins (I was told you should when I took a parenting course in highschool). I just feel like there’s so much against me right now and I don’t know what to think. I’ve recently purchased a house because my parents were in a tough financial situation and had no where to go with my two younger brothers and sister..I have another younger brother who lives with his fiance and their one year old.
My parents are fine now but I still own the house while they make payments on it.there’s an apartment in part of the house which belongs to me and they live in the rest of the house..but I’ve been so busy I’ve had no time to do anything such as paint, flooring, plumbing and it just feels like now the count down is on I have nine months to get it all liveable and prepare for baby and babysit my boyfriend..it just feels so overwhelming! I thought for sure I couldn’t handle it and told my best friend I was set on abortion..then you sent me this email and it was exactly what I needed to hear and the photo really helped as well! So I’m going to trust you and take your advice and choose the other road. I’m hoping I can talk with you as you totally understand! I’m also hoping to go back to church and find support through friends there. I’m so scared and feel like I have no one at times..but I know in the end it will work itself out..at least I’m hoping so.
I’m very sorry to hear about your experience as I’m there right now.. so thank you so much for sharing it with me and lending me your support, it means the universe to me!! I have a doctors appointment on June 13th which I’m terrified about but also can’t wait to get it over with. I won’t be telling anyone until four months because I think that’s how long you need to wait in case something bad happens and I’ll need that time to work up the courage too. I’m not sure I know what I’m doing but I hope I do what’s needed and do it right for my baby. Hope to hear from you again, thank you so very much!!