My World Is Unstable!

by | 2012 | Sisters Column

Dear Becky,I’m 16 and pregnant. 7 months pregnant. The ‘father’ of the baby literally left the state with another girl when he found out. I’ve not been kicked out but it took my family 5 1/2 months to accept that I was pregnant and take me to the doctor. Since I was about 2 months […]
StandUpGirl girl sitting against wall hand on head

StandUpGirl girl sitting against wall hand on head

Dear Becky,
I’m 16 and pregnant. 7 months pregnant. The ‘father’ of the baby literally left the state with another girl when he found out. I’ve not been kicked out but it took my family 5 1/2 months to accept that I was pregnant and take me to the doctor. Since I was about 2 months I’ve been with a guy who is willing to stand by my side, baby and all. He and his family have been supportive from day one, where as my family has acted oblivious until a week ago. My mother is extremely ‘wishy-washy’ (for lack of better word) one day she pretty much called me a whore and told me how disgusted she was then another day she seems almost excited. She tells me that she wants me to grow up and do things on my own but when I do she gets angry that I left her out.

My family is going through a rough time and there is no place for a baby in my house. We are a family of 5, plus a small and big dog (both inside) living in a very old two bedroom house. Being as my house is old it is a very unhealthy environment for a baby, and We Have a hard time affording what we need anyways, much less a baby. Plus, I do not expect my parents to take responsibility for my actions. My boyfriend and his family have offered to let me move in with them. This would be the best option for me and the baby. But when i asked my mom about it she shot me down and completely ignored my concerns about my baby’s health. I am 32 weeks and am not prepared for the baby at all. I am in desperate need of advice.
Hi….I am so sorry that your world is so unstable right now….You have such a mothers heart already to have these concerns and want to have things set in stone and stable for when baby gets here….Are you having a boy or a girl? Life was hard for me too, Here I am 10 years later and my life has NEVER been this good, All of the Mountains along the way now seem like small “speed bumps”, I have never gone a day without a place to sleep, a meal in my belly and clothes to wear….Have my circumstances always been ideal? NO, Did I always have a clean environment? NO, Did I always get along with the people that I was “stuck under the same roof with”? NO….But I made the best of each situation and EVERY TIME there was an open door of opportunity, I took it….I bettered myself with the help of assistance that was available and with hard work and determination….I am no longer on assistance, I am married to a wonderful man. We own our own home and we are debt free….We live a very modest life, we are on a tight budget and we live pay check to pay check for the most part, but like my past, we have not gone a day without a roof over our heads, meals in our tummies and clothes on our back…..I promise, if you make the right decisions when push comes to shove, YOU can have this same story, hopefully with a few less bumps in the road than I had……Here is what I want you to do, Visit this website, , Enter your postal code into the site and it will give you the contact info for the closest Pregnancy Help Center to you where you can get FREE and CONFIDENTIAL help, They can assist you with baby clothes, maternity clothes, diapers, toys, bedding, baby furniture, TONS of things you will need and want for raising your baby, They can also give you the contact information for every local resource available to you where you can get assistance with other things like medical, food, housing (possibly a maternity home where you can stay for FREE with baby)…..etc…..Anyways, I am here for you as well, I am here if you have questions, if you need a friend….I am proud of you for making it this far, just keep your head up and Stand Firm in your RIGHT decisions….As far as living with your boyfriend, I am not so sure that it is the best thing, from the sounds of your moms house, it may not be the worst idea though….I just really want you to be stable, being “stable” in a less than ideal environment may be better than being comfortable in an environment that you may eventually feel “trapped in” if your relationship goes south….Does that make sense? Anyways, I really encourage you to visit your local Pregnancy Help Center, maybe there is a third, more stable and better option….I hope to talk to you soon….Much Love to you!
Thank you so much for the reply. And I’m having a boy. Due September 30th. I definitely understand living paycheck to paycheck. My dads been off work due to a work related injury for almost 3 years. We’re living on about $800 from workers comp, plus our food stamps. And the living with boyfriend situation, yes it does make sense. In the beginning questioned it myself. It’s an extremely long story but we kind of needed each other. He’s stood by me since day one. Even if we dont work out as a couple he wants to be daddy, he accepts the responsibility that comes with that. And its extremely comforting that his family doesn’t believe in biologics. His mother often teases that she can’t remember which kids she adopted and which she gave birth to. They all already treat me like their own, they have promised me I will always have a place there whether me and Tyler are together or not. Luckily, I’ve never been one to shun my exs, I’m still friends with most of them. Plus my family likes the guy and his family too. Since I’ve confronted my mom about moving she’s been trying a significant amount more to improve the situation. I believe she was hurt that I wanted to leave, and I guess I understand. But, I don’t want to abandon my family by moving out, matter of fact I want them to stay a big part of me and baby’s life. I just want to do what’s best. I’m always sick at my house due to my asthma and allergies and I’m afraid my baby will be affected the same way if not worse. Plus we have bugs and some kind of mold that’s part of what makes me sick. I’ve already looked at the site and found two nearby centers, ones close to my doctor, and I plan to call
during business hours tomorrow. Sorry if I sound a little scattered. I feel like I’m jumping from a zillion different subjects. Again thanks so much for the advice. It gives me hope to hear from someone who’s been in a similar predicament.


Need Help? Contact Jewel!


More StandUpGirl Articles