Hi everybody,
I thought that I would write a blog about the last year and a bit of my life, it will help me to get it all of my chest and maybe help someone make up there own mind about me.
I guess that I have always wanted a baby, even when I was 6 I played with dollies and I always imagined them with babies or big pregnant tummies, I used to stuff there dresses with cotton wool to make them look pregnant.
As soon is I started to have periods I knew that it wouldn’t be long as my body was ready. By then I was going out with Toby, he was my first boyfriend and I was madly in love with him and I think that he was in love with me.
I had been together for 2 years when I was ready to share myself with him completely, I was only just 13 and I know that we were a bit young to be having sex at 13 but we were so in love it just seemed natural and so good.
Toby was scared about getting me pregnant and for the first 6 months we were always very careful about using condoms each and every time but last August I told him that I wanted a baby. At first he said no and that we were to young and that he wanted to use condoms but one night I took it off him before we made love, it was such an amazing night.
From then on we didn’t bother with anything, I told him that If it was right for us and if it was our time then it would happen, if we went meant to have one then we wouldn’t end up having one. I know that it sounds silly but I really believe in karma.
We had such a romantic 2 months, we acted more like husband and wife than boy and girlfriend, he even carried over the threshold of his parents house when we borrowed it when they went on holiday, it was that weekend that I got pregnant.
I felt funny for a while before I found out, I had missed my period and I kind of just knew but it was a surprise that the tests were positive, it was 1 week before my 14th birthday. At first Toby was happy but he quickly changed, he was like a different person and eventually he dumped me and said that I had trapped him and that the baby wasn’t his. I felt so low and I only got through it with the help from a good friend I met through this website.
I was in two minds to keep the baby for a while, but I knew that it was the right thing to keep him and I am so glad I did. I’m not against abortion for the right reasons including if the mum thinks that she isn’t ready but I knew that I wanted him or her with all my heart.
As my baby grew I kept it hidden from my mum, it was easy at the start and I went to the doctors in secret (I didn’t have much morning sickness), the doctor said that she wouldn’t tell my mum but that I should. I was quite slim (I still am and no stretch marks!!!) and it wasn’t long before I started showing and my boobs started growing. I started to ware baggy jumpers to hide the bump, it was easy because the weather was cold but I told my mum when I was 3.5 months gone and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hide it anymore.
She was angry and shocked but she said that she wasn’t going to make me do anything that I didn’t want to, I told her that I wanted to keep it and that Toby was the father (I told her that we only had sex a few times and once we had an accident with a condom, she would have killed me if it told her that we had been having sex for 8 months and that we had been trying for 2 months.) She threatened to tell the police on him but I begged her not to and I’m so glad she didn’t.
But, after a while she came around to the idea, she told me that she had always wanted more children but she couldn’t have any more after me, she is only 32 and I’m an only child, she helps out a lot now.
After I told her I felt much better and a lot happier. It was hard telling her and I recommend that anyone tells their parents as soon as they know; it’s a lot less stressful.
I met a couple of new boyfriends when I was pregnant, but none of them was as good as Toby, I was still in love with him I guess, and it felt a bit weird being intimate with them when I knew that I had another boys baby in my belly.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I felt fat, really fat and very uncomfortable, the doctors said that I had to be induced 2 weeks early because I was so young and thin. I wanted a natural birth and I got it, it was the most amazing thing to happen in my entire life and made everything that came before it so worthwhile.
I had wished for a boy and I was so happy that I had one, I called him Peter James, not for any big reason, I just like the names, sounds a bit old fashioned.
He is now 3 months old, Looking back I don’t regret it and if I knew now what I knew then I would take the same choices. I know that I get criticized for having a baby so young but this is the making of me, I’m back in normal school and I should be getting B, A or A* grades in my GCSE.
I also have a new boyfriend who is very nice and who knows, I might have his baby one day.
Would I recommend that other girls do the same, well they can only make up there own minds, just know that it is not easy, in fact imagine the hardest thing in the world and your almost there but is it worth it, yes.
