I have been going out with my boyfriend for over a year. I found out I was 7 weeks pregnant 6 months ago.

I didn’t want to give up the life that was inside me.  I had no one to turn to and talk to for support. The only person I could turn to was my boyfriend and a close friend who I know who has had an abortion in her past. No one forced me into having an abortion. I just thought it was the right thing to do at the time (no money and no job).  I went to the doctor’s and he gave me a list of numbers. I hate abortions. I’m against it, but I still made an appointment. My boyfriend was happy, but wasn’t at the same time that I was pregnant. I remember a few months ago we both were saying that if I got pregnant, we would keep it, but it all changed when it happened. He got scared and felt like he wasn’t ready to be a father and I respected that.

I remember the whole thing. I woke up at 6 to get ready and it was an hour drive to the surgery clinic. It was the longest and hardest 6 hours of my life. My boyfriend came with me for support, but was shattered that he couldn’t come upstairs to hold my hand. Before the surgery, I saw my baby for the first and last time. I tried so hard not to break down into tears. I didn’t want people seeing me like that. It came to the time where my heart skipped so many beats when they called my name into surgery. I laid down on the table and all I could see were so many doctors and massive lights. As they put needles in, I wanted to scream out and say stop, but it was too late.

Next minute, I woke up in the recovering room. There was so many girls there. I felt so empty and disgusted in my self I just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I so wished to wake up and to see my boyfriend there so I could cry in his arms. We finally got home and I hated myself so much. I stayed in my boyfriend’s arms for the rest of the night. The abortion has caused so much problems. I got depressed and ended in hospital because I took over 12 weight-loss pills. I hate myself that much. I have to punish myself. I have hard times being around babies and baby things. My friends are having babies and its killing me so much.  With every experience you have, you grow. I can only share my story because I am unable to go back and change the decision we made. Till this day, me and my boyfriend are still together and I love him so much. We have so many problems. I just wish I can take everything back. I thank him so much for being there for me through thick and thin. I wish I kept my baby, but I now have to live with it.

Thank you for reading my story.