i have been going out with nathan for over a year, i found out i was 7 weeks pregnant 6 months ago.  i didnt wont to give up the life that was inside me.  i had no one to turn to n talk for support. the only person i could turn to was my boyfriend and a close friend who i know who has had an abortion in her past.  no one forced me into having an abortions i just tho it was the right thing to do at the time ( no money and no job)  i went to the doctors and he gave me a list of numbers, i hate abortions im against it but i still made an appointment.  my boyfriend was was happy but wasnt at the same time that i was pregnant, i remember a few months ago that we both were saying that if i got pregnant we would keep it, but it all changed when it happened, he got scared and felt like he wasnt ready to be a father and i respected that. i remember the whole thing, i woke up at 6 to get ready and it was an hour drive to the surgery clinic,  it was the longest and hardest 6 hours of my life. my boyfriend came with me for support but was shattered that he couldnt come up stairs to hold my hand. before the surgery i saw my baby for the first and last time, i tried so hard not to brack down into tears i didnt wont people seeing me like that. it came to the time were my heart skipped so many beats when they called my name into surgery. i layed down on the table and all i can see was so many doctors and massive lights. as the put needles in i  wonted to scream out and say stop but it was to late. next minute i woke up in the recovering room. there was so many girls there. i felt so empty and disgusted in my self i just wonted to croll into a whole and die.  i so wish to wake up and to see my boyfriend there so i can cry in his arms. we finally got home and i hated myself so much, i stayed in my boyfriends arms for the rest of the night.  the abortion has coused so much problems i got depressed and ended in hospital because i took over 12 weight lose pills. i hate myself that much i have to punish myself.  i have hard times being around babies and baby things. my friends are having babys and its killing me so much.   with every experience you have you grow. i can only share my story because i am unable to go back and change the decision we made. till this day me and my boyfriend are still together and i love him so much we have so many problems. i just wish i can take everything back, i thank him so much for being there for me thick and thin. i wish i kept my baby but i now have to live with it. thank you for reading my story.