I am SO glad I found this community of support!!! I started a blog yesterday to share my story of 3 abortions nearly 10 years ago which almost ended my life through depression and suicidal thoughts. I am sharing some of my post below. I am amazed every day and how far one can come in light of forgiveness and grace.
My blog is at http://itstimeforhealing.blogspot.com/
I truly start this blog with tears in my eyes and it simply does not get any more real then that. Of all those I know and in particular those closest to me, I can count on one hand the people who know the true extent of my past …
I live in a county with one of the highest number of churches in the United States. We have no abortion clinics in this county. There are Mennonites, Amish and just about every other form of believer here. When meeting a person for the first time one of the most common questions asked is “what church do you attend” … it is not IF but where. Yes this here is God’s country.
So I write this with a heavy heart as the majority of my friends in this area (all but 2) are unaware of my past. They see me as “one of them” a believer, a sister in Christ, a redeemed soul. But they do not know the prior me. I struggle with whether that truly even matters? What would they say? What would they think? How would they react? I do not know. It is frightening yes…but we are ALL sinners saved by grace and the loving and just God we serve does not ‘rank’ sins. So would they still accept me? They are my sisters in Christ and without a doubt I can confidently say the answer is yes.
Where I come from, while only a few states away … might as well be another planet. I grew up knowing virtually no one who went to church. No one talked about God, about Jesus, about the love from above, about redemption, about being saved … none of it. Sure there was church. My mom would drag my sister and I every now and again on a Sunday to a Catholic church which for me meant being forced to ‘sit still’ and ‘be quiet’ for an hour and a half. To this day I could not tell you a thing that was said, though I do remember saying the Lord’s Prayer every time. We received communion though I had no idea why at least I was able to move from the pew for a couple minutes which made me happy. You get the idea.
I sit here typing this with God filling my heart. For quite some time I have felt the itch to share my story with others. I would question God on this feeling as I have never considered myself a writer or someone with the knowledge of the Gospel equipped to share it with anyone. Yet I still felt God telling me … this needs to be heard, move now.
So there I sat in church this past Sunday. A wonderful message about serving others and the fact that faith is dead without works. A tinge in my heart started to light a fire. The pastor discussed how Jesus took the most unexpected, sometimes least educated, as disciples to share His news. That no matter what season in life we MUST serve Him in order to truly be filled with Christ. And then the pastor mentioned an agency near and dear to my heart … one which talks to teens and women contemplating abortion. BAM a light bulb moment happened. I came home and applied to volunteer immediately as a counselor. No more excuses, no more reasons to shy away … it is MY time to share my story.
And so it begins ….