Since Keagan died… We went two separate ways. Kinda. He went to rehab, I went to Counseling… We talked occasionally, but we never had anything to say.

He moved into his mom’s new place in August… so he could continue the road to sobriety. I stayed here, in Springfield. I took the summer planning an “empty” life. School, College, Work, Future Job. ALL planned out…I didn’t have Keagan, or my boyfriend so all the things I planned before were null and void. He checked up on me still, and I have to admit, It’s HARD to love someone, and considering my daughter was gone, made loving him that much worse….

In October, I cut off all contact, I had to… And, I did complete every goal I set for myself, and I became really “superficial”… Know a cheerleader? And how they’re peppy? That was me, I smiled, so much, it became a new thing…
I went to therapy/counseling that my parents reluctantly set up…but I went once, twice a month… I wasn’t interested. I dealt with everyone talking about me. The worst story I heard thus far… I killed my daughter. He killed our daughter… That’s unfair. My baby died from lacking oxygen for too long… Our fighting didn’t help anything…

But, he found out that the girl he had been dating was pregnant in January of this year. Calling me, he asked that we talk. He never let me down. Besides our fighting, He really didn’t. I can’t blame him for everything. But… he talked. more than I had in the year that had passed us by, and asked that I still be there for him, because one thing he was totally sure of was that he loved me. Speechless, I said I’d always be there.

March, April, May, June, July, I attended my 2-hour a week counseling sessions. I talked to him. I visited Keagan. I brought her to my surface. I’m willing to work on fixing this. August, his ex-girlfriend had a due date. By the 4th.. Baby Michael was born, full term. He was only 4 pounds, and tested positive for heroin. His son was placed in DFS…where he’s stayed. He’s almost done with the parenting plan, next step is placement with him-the girl signed rights off… Drugs are more important, and today… September 14th, 2011… I’m engaged to the man I will always love. Mistakes happen. I forgive him. all the love in the world….

He may not be perfect but, love is.