Just when you think you find someone…it all ends in a shattering display of broken pieces. Ah well, I know it ended and I'm not in that much pain. On the one hand, I have this weird feeling of freedom and like I can move on. He left because it was in his right to leave…he did not take me or my dignity or my ability to love with him….that stayed behind with me — and I'm dealing fine. It just feels a little empty without him — all these weird thoughts come into my head.
It scares me now that maybe I will be a single mother forever and ever and ever. I get scared that I will never have somebody to love me and to help me and to treat me right like a woman will be treated. I get scared that I will never have a family with a lot of children and be the mother of that family and make sure that my house is happy. It just scares me.
But life goes on. As long as I have the ability to love and not be afraid of the future — goodness, I have a beautiful son, I have lovely friends who supported me so much through the darker days when it actually was hard to wake up in the morning, I have God…I have love….I have a future….I have a degree to finish this year, I have a new flat to move in to next year…I have a family to visit in my homeland in a few months…Life goes on.
It will be fine. Life goes on. There's hope. I just have to stop worrying and let go of this fear. For He is looking after me.