When one speaks of abortion one is often judged, offended, scorn and scrutinised. What did i really expect???

I've been on the giving out side…now i'm on the receiving side! No one could have told or warned me what the effect would be on my life and the effect on my husband.

Let me start by telling you my story.

Like most people i've been very narrow minded about abortion. I grew up in a home with heavy high moral standards, so much so, if my parents said it was wrong, then it was wrong. And so i came to the conclusion that abortion was wrong. I was judgemental about abortion and every time i got to get in a word about it, i spoke my mind.

I met my husband in May 2002 and in June 2007 we got married. Life was great. We had a wonderful honeymoon and life has just started. Then i got the news in beginning August 2007… i was pregnant!

My whole world shook to a stand still. All these questions start popping into my mind. The pregnancy did not fall into the life i had planned, but still i was excited. Then i started to think… the whole time i was pregnant and did not know about it we did all the stuff women who are pregnant should not do. And the other sour point was…we did not make it good financially.

The day i told my husband i broke into tears…tears of happiness and that of fear. He was so supportive and happy. We started talking about the pregnancy, and the more we talk, the more we realised we were not going to be able to keep our baby. Yes it sounds terrible i know, i please believe me, i'm not trying to make it sound better or more reasonable.

I started having cramps and were very tired, so i went to the doctor and asked his opinion. He said may baby might have fetal alcohol syndrome when he is born. We went to have a sonar, and found out i was 7weeks pregnant.

After the worst week of my life, we decided to go for an abortion. Then then worst year of my life started.

We went for counselling before the abortion. The day of the abortion i had doubts but pushed it aside. I tried to think about my and my husbands future. Financially we wouldn't be able to care for our baby, and we had no one that could support or help us financially.

The morning 7 o'clock the nurse gave me the pill to start the process. At first i didn't feel anything, then at 10 o'clock the pain and cramps and bleeding started. It felt like i was dying…and i wanted to! When you start the process you can't stop it!!!! They left me till 1 o'clock that afternoon before they started with the vacuum abortion!

I can't even start to describe the pain when they insert the clamps and start scraping and vacuum. I prefer not to have a sedative, because i wanted to feel the pain of my choice.

Everything was finished after 20 minutes. I was the most painfull 20 minutes of my life. After that they sent me home with antibotics and painkillers, so that i wouldn't get infection.

The week after the abortion i cant remember! Because i had alergy and asthma i couldn't use the medicine. My husband fed and bathed me for a week, because i just did not want to get out of bed.

I was devastated… i felt i made the wrong choice. I struggled with depression up and till now, and though of taking my own life. My husband…he was devastated as well! We were struggling with our own emotions and didn't have the power of energy to talk about it.

For 9 constant months a bled. Sex was impossible! You can think how that effects a marriage! After 9 months it stopped but when we had sex, it started all over!

Today, 14 months after the abortion, it is the first time i can go on! My husband didn't leave me, he stuck with me! Helped me! Comforted me!

Sometimes i still wonder where we would be if we didn't have the abortion. I told my friends about it a month ago, at first they were shocked, but then they tried to understand.

I tried to handle this on my own. Without counselling, without support! It was just my husband and i! We made it! We grew stronger!! But if i did not have my husband, i would not have made it!

I don't promote abortions, and i don't say it is right!!! I don't advocate abortion or uplift it! But I feel that nobody has the right to scrutinize  or judge a woman who chooses to have an abortion. No one really understands the emotional turmoil that a woman or girl goes through to arrive at that decision.

I really feel strong about this because i had an abortion. I live in a small town and believe me, there are the most narrow minded people living here. It is a year later and finally i can start picking up my head and looking people in their eyes.

That is the reason that made me decide to publish a book to help any woman or girl who choose to have an abortion, because there isn't much help or sympathy out there.

The book will show woman the choices they have by either keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption or having an abortion. After the choices being depicted it will show the process they need to follow as well as commentary from other woman being in the same situation. It will have the medical facts in every detail. It will also contain psychological help and advice by experts.

If you want to be part of it…you can be anonymous…please let me know. This book is to comfort and enlighten all woman out there!

Now you know my story…