Not too long ago I watched a reality TV show about dating. A woman on the show said that she had been suspicious of her ex while they were dating because she thought he was cheating on her. The person that she relayed this story to said, “Why couldn’t you just trust him?” Implying that she should have waylaid her feelings and let love conquer all. I find that the idea of blind trust is prevalent in dating. Many believe that love is the only ingredient for a good, sustainable relationship. The truth of the matter is that trust is a very important part of love, but blind trust is not.
Blind trust is when you choose to trust another person without them having earned that trust or it is when you choose to trust someone in spite of our feelings telling you otherwise. Trust is a very good thing to have in a dating relationship, but it is something that has to be earned. The person has to be trustworthy, that is, worthy of your trust. And how do you know if a person is worth of your trust? By spending time with them. After you get to know someone well you can evaluate whether or not they are a trustworthy person.
But there are often times in dating when you have that little nagging voice that tells you something is not quite right. When you hear that voice, listen to it. You don’t have to blindly trust someone if they are not worthy of it. Allow yourself to feel unsettled or suspicious; it’s OK to feel your feelings. Consider talking to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. If he’s a guy worth keeping, he will allow you to voice your feelings.
It is just as important for you to be a trustworthy person too. Do people come to you with their secrets because they know you are a safe person? Can you be trusted to not cheat or flirt with other boys? Do you tell the truth to your boyfriend and to your parents? If you don’t feel that you are in the habit of being a trustworthy person, that is ok. You can change. Start with little things like being committed to your boyfriend. Tell the truth in situations you would normally not tell the truth in. And keep the secrets of your friends. Cultivating trust does not happen over night, it is a process, but a process with rewards.
Finally, don’t let your boyfriend or anyone else persuade you that they are worthy of your trust without them earning it. Men can often use persuasion and pressure to get what they want, especially if it is sex. So for example, if he wants to have sex, he might say: “Come on, don’t you trust me?” If he is saying these things to you, that is a huge indication that he is not worthy of your trust. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured to do something in order to show that you trust him. You should not have to prove your trust, they are the ones who must prove they are trustworthy.
Trust is good, but blind trust is not. Take time to evaluate if you are trusting someone in your life, like your boyfriend, more than he has earned. Realize that it is OK to have suspicions or doubtful feelings about someone. If they have not earned your trust, you don’t have to give it to them. Take this opportunity to work on yourself too. Even if you have not been a trustworthy person in the past, it doesn’t mean that you can’t become a trustworthy person in the future.