Hi,

If you’re reading this, you’re probably wondering why I am writing. Because frankly, everyone needs someone to talk to. For me, writing has always been an out. If people benefit from my story, then great!

I’m currently 19 and I have a beautiful 6 month year old baby girl whose nickname is Fili. Don’t ask me why Fili. We tried Fefe, we tried Lia, my mother even tried and still tries Didget. She likes Fili. I like Fili, it fits her smile. She has the goofiest smile.

I would like to stop and say this story isn’t about her. It’s about me. But being a mom, it’s never that way. Anything involving me automatically involves her to. Whether its going to the movies or writing a blog to no one particular on a website you just found.

So my story. I grew up in a small town, straight As, not quite top of my class but all my friends admired me cause I always had a goal and always knew where I was going in life. I was the kid with a plan, and no one was going to stop it. School was the most important thing to my mom, so it became the most important thing to me.

I don’t think I had much of a social life growing up. Though some people tell me I was Miss Social. I liked to hang around people. Not so much talk but listen to them talk. It was entertaining.

I graduated from high school with honors. Got enrolled in college right away and everything was going pretty good. See, NV has this scholarship that will pay for everything if you qualify, and all you need to qualify is a certain grade point average. Its called the Millennium Scholarship. I qualified for it, was doing good in my classes for the first month or so right on my plan.

Well, then stuff just seemed to spiral out of control. My mom moved and kind of left me on my own, well not really on my own. She let me in a house with my best friend (at the time), my boyfriend (still together and strong), and my alcoholic step dad.

I was a waitress so I could handle the bills, I couldn’t handle the alcoholic step dad. So me best friend and boyfriend moved in a cozy apartment. Let’s just say it was fun….

Anyways about a month and a half after living in our apartment, me and my friend get a flu bug, go down to the doctors office to get it checked out and it turns out it wasn’t a flu bug at all. We were both pregnant, me about 10 days ahead of her.

My boyfriend is extremely supportive. He’s sweet. My family on the other hand. not so much. Especially my mother. See, I was the oldest. I was supposed to be the child that turned out decent, went to college, became a doctor, never had kids type thing. My sister was the one supposed to get pregnant young, have lots of kids. She does, by the way. She’s also a teenage mom and its weird seeing people treat her differently then they treat me. I can’t explain it but she is my younger sister and she just had her second kid, a lovely baby girl. I guess I’m a little jealous of her. No matter what she does, she seems to still be fine in my moms eyes. Not me….I’m a disappointment.

Anyways….I’m going to turn this into a diary of sorts. If anyone reads it and cares, Great!! if not, well at least I get somewhere to write and have a chance to show other girls it can be hard but its worth it. A life is always worth it.

Well I have to go for now.

Lates and Luvs

Cat<