When I was 14 I found out I was pregnant I told my Mom and she said I was going to have an abortion no matter what. I told her I couldn't do that. She then scared me into having one telling me that I would ruin her marriage with my Dad and he would be mad at me. She said so many mean things to me to make me feel bad and give in. Being 14 I was scared and thought my Mom was right. We went to the clinic and as I was sitting there I couldn't do it I Walked out. On the car ride home my Mom yelled at me so much I gave in once again and called to make another appointment. This time I went through with it for her.

Then at 15 I was pregnant again this time I was so scared I didn't tell anyone I just went and did it. I have never been able to get over it. As time passes its not in my head so much but its still in my heart.

Now in my life I have To make this choice again…. 

I'm 24, Married with three kids. My Husband had to go out of the states for work for four months durning that time I met a someone. I know what happened was bad but it happened now I'm 6 weeks pregnant. My husband and my side of the family knows and so does the other guy. Everyone in my family said I need to have an abortion. My Husband is willing to forgive me for cheating and still wants to be with me But only if I have an abortion. He will not raise this kid as his own and he said He will not be with me if I want to give it up. So in his eyes there is only one answer. My family has told me that I need to make that sacrifice for My husband and kids. What they dont see is how bad my past abortions have hurt me. No one in my family has had an abortion besides myself so they dont know what it does to you. The Man I'm pregnant by does not believe in abortion and wants me to keep the baby. 

I sit here and think to myself I'm 24 I have three kids a Huband that loves me. I have a nice home and I have never had to work. My life is good. Dont think my life is perfect now… My Husband likes to drink Thats the down side he has a problem. He has told me he will stop drinking if I do this. But He has said this to me for eight years now and nothing has ever made him stop. so why would this make him stop??? He has told me I am going to ruin our kids life. That they will hate me and this baby.

I try to think what my life will be like with and without this baby and Both make me sad. (with baby) I know life will be hard Harder than I probably think it will be but I see many women do it. So why couldn't I do it?? This guy said he'll be there for his baby. (without baby) I want to feel like I can go through with this and I'll be fine but I really feel in my heart it will kill me. I'm scared both ways. I wish I didn't have to choose. If I do this who know if my marriage will even last and then I'm left with this emptiness wondering if I made the right choice.

What do I DO???? I have to make up my mind by next week he said.   

My family and husband has told me that I am very selfish If I keep this baby. Do you think I would be?