Dear Becky —

We were scared and I dont think we really thought about it.   So I made the appointment, and on the day of the appointment I just rode in the car and looking at my boyfriend just wanting my boyfreind to tell me, we should rethink this, a baby is a blessing. but …

This last year has been the worst but also the best for me in so many ways..About 10 months ago, my family, who I love with all my heart, found out that I had been sneaking around with a man much older man (now my boyfriend who I live with and love with all my heart) and they decided if I didnt stop seeing him, I had to move out of there home. They didn’t abandoned me or anything, but there religious believes helped them make this decision.So I moved in with my boyfreind of a year and we have had a blast, living with him is everything I hoped to be and Im even getting hints of him proposing to me, which would be amazing because I know Ill be with him forever.Well, about 10 months ago, I started feeling sick, dizzy and just so tired all the time. I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. my boyfriend put the idea of a abortion in my head, and after I thought about it just kept thinking “this will make things okay, Im not ready yet” (Im  20 years old). We were scared and I dont think we really thought about it.

So I made the appointment, and on the day of the appointment I just rode in the car and looking at my boyfriend just wanting my boyfreind to tell me, we should rethink this, a baby is a blessing. but it never happened.  Even two minutes in the room, waiting for the docter to start, I wanted to scream “STOP! I changed my mind” but I didnt, it happened. As we walked out of the building, a made myself so sick to my stomach thinking of what Ive just done. I cried and cried, and we havnt talked about it since, but yet, I think about it everyday, it didnt make things better, it didnt make me forget, its made me have so much anxiety and I make myself sick everytime I see someone with a child, or I look at my little brother and sister and think I might not have them if my mom and dad decided to have a abortion.

What Im trying to say is, I cant get it out of my head, Im afraid to tell my boyfiend this is whats been makeing me strike out at him and make me angry at him. He knows somethings bothering me…I just cant bring myself to tell him, or anyone..its just in my head eating at me everday I look in the mirror…I feel like such a bad person..I wish it would go away..I made a bad decision..and i hate myself for it. I just needed to get that out, even if this doesnt get read, I know I tried.

Bell

Dearest Bell,

My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.Your e-mail is very important to me and I wanted to make sure that I gave my full attention to this response on your e-mail.I wanted to send you a response because … well, I’ve also been down that horrible road of abortion.  I can’t tell you how sorry that I am for your heartache!  I know it is so painful – no words can express it.It is amazing to me that you knew why you are lashing out at your boyfriend.  This is really very common – and honestly Bell, it is truly vital that you express your heart to him.  The truth.  It is extremely important!  Why?  Because usually relationships after abortion do not last and if you see this relationship has a future – you need to start with honesty from your heart right now.  Today.He needs to know.  He needs to know that you wanted protection from him.  That you wanted him to take a Stand and quite honestly that you may even hold him partly responsible.  You can put it in a way that is … not blaming him – but by telling him how vulnerable that you were and are right now.  How much that you hurt and the loss that you feel inside of your heart.  That since he was the closest one to you – that you feel like it has put a hindrance in your relationship and you don’t want that to be.Bell – I have a link to point you to a book called Forgiven and Set Free and it is written by a girl by the name of Linda Cochran.  It is an amazing book of healing and freedom.  It will bring you through all of these painful emotions and to help you put those feelings away.  Anger, bitterness, depression, etc.  There are so many – but this workbook is amazing!I would recommend doing 1 chapter a week.  There is about 8 chapters … maybe 10.  But it’s awesome.I’ll give you a link to help you find the book on e-bay and I can also give you a link where maybe you can find a nearby post abortion group.  Please know that when you find other women that have experienced the same things, and you share with one another – there is healing.  OK?Just know that I am only a keystroke away – OK?Take care of yourself.

Luv Lisa