30/05/2010
My Progress:
Week Five:
Okay, so today has been an emotional rollercoaster. It finally hit home that I am 90% pregnant and I got so scared that I kept thinking I can’t raise this baby and I’ll have to get an abortion. During my shift I thought about it more and I couldn’t stop smiling!
I’ve decided on how I’m going to tell my mum, (if she agrees which she will) I’ll live with my mum for five years until the baby goes to school and I can work full time to support him (don’t know the sex but hoping for a boy), going to take the pregnancy test on Friday/Saturday when I’m at my boyfriend’s so I can experience it with him and tell him in person, going to call the doctor ASAP, even picked out the child minder I’m going to hire after maternity leave!
I’m very happy but I’m not treating this like some fairytale. I know it’s going to be hard and I know my boyfriend isn’t going to like it. We’ve talked seriously about children because a sex life comes with that risk, but right now he finds talking about children laughable because we’re teenagers. I understand that because he has no clue about my suspicions. We had a pregnancy scare once before about three months ago…it turned out negative, but he got nothing but angry at me and refused to talk to me. Saying it was my fault for putting off going on the pill. I don’t trust him until I know it’s definitely positive. I’m not having him destroying my happiness in this. He once said that he won’t plan to have children, he doesn’t particularly want them (he’s considering a vasectomy), but he will love a child if he has one. I don’t trust him to not fly off the handle, but I do trust him to stick by me. And I know his rediculously noble stepfather is going to push to help support too…
I joined this site because I’m so excited and so happy, but I can’t tell a soul until I take the test. Well, I can tell some souls I don’t know I suppose! I just know this site is going to be a great support and I plan to stay on here for the duration of my pregnancy and, if I have time around my bouncing baby boy, I’ll update afterwards too.
I’m planning on posting some videos on a public site (I’m not sure if I can mention the name on here so not taking the risk) throughout my pregnancy kind of like this blog. Wait that’s called a Vlog…well anyway! It’ll be detailing my ups, downs, the test, the ultrasound, the father…everything that I think will help any teenager in my position. I’m doing this while in a low-paying part-time job and having to rely on my mother for a while. But that won’t be forever.
Oh, and I’ve named my baby!!! Nicholas Jared Nelson. Jared’s my father’s name and while my dad hasn’t been there for me much, he pulled through for someone who didn’t really want to be a dad and even the little he did for me I appreciate. He didn’t want to be a father, but I’ve accepted that and what he’s done is astounding in that situation. He’s not been much of a father, but he’s been the bravest man I’ve ever known. And I’ll always love him for that.
Sixteen and (might be) pregnant! Expecting a New Year baby! <3
