If only words were to say…
But every weekend, I want to go out so madly. I leave my lil treasure sleeping besides Gran’s bedroom and she is completely unaware Mami is not there. I do not want to be here… I want to have a proper and normal life. I would like to live alone with her but yet, I know it’s so difficult to be just the two of us. I’ve got 4 things to do at the same time and being single mum is the 4th on the list… I’m not given more choice, I cannot choose. I know I can’t complain, I know I’m lucky…I know well, yes.
I wake up every morning at 8 to work, I catch the bus at 8.30 and I’m headed straight to school. I’m paid three times less than I should be for I’m only booked to work 20 hours ( but I do work more than 29 a week!). I finish up at 5.30 pm if lucky enough to reach home (or even later if I’ve got to take students home in a bus…). Then I have to go and rehab my poorly arm ( Rocio is heavy to carry and my right arm is completely in horrible bad shape!! I cannot even lift it to blow-dry my hair). Being nearly right-hand-handicapped and suffering from stiff neck and contractured shoulders every now and then doesn’t make life any easier… I feel so depressed, even thinking of doing anything involving my arms makes me tired…and hurts a lot… Nobody seems to understand. I guess pregnancy weight made it worse but who am I to complain??? I’m not given the turn to do so!
When I finish at 7, I have to stay with Rocio, take care of her, and study my second degree…. I feel so tired all the time. My boyfriend is living abroad and he calls everyday… I miss him like mad but again, I hide feelings and just tell him I’m doing fine but I’m not. At 10, I’m in bed…. Everybody watches tv and shares things about life next day…but I ain’t got no life….not now.
My life comes back on Fridays and Saturdays when I can go out at night…. She sleeps and Mami drinks and has fun—or at least i try.—but she is not happy…. I’m just waiting for him to come back and just killing time till we reunite again… It’s not fair because time always runs against me and I’m missing all other most important things in life—-I never win.
