holding baby feetMy story begins at birth, actually I was born dead. It took the doctors 5 minutes to get me breathing. At 7 minutes, they stop. I was born six weeks early. God had a plan for me and was not going to let me go.

My childhood years included verbal, physical and sexual abuse; ritual abuse; alcoholism; mental illness and abandonment. I longed for attention, approval and love. Mostly love. I searched for love anywhere and everywhere.

When I was 18 I got pregnant. I had a beautiful baby girl when I was 19. I was unmarried and the father not available, not wanting anything to do with either of us. His brother once told me that if I named his brother (the father) as the father on the birth certificate, they would take me to court and all their friends would testify they had slept with me (this was my first silence, I put father unknown on the birth certificate). I was terrified.

I started dating this guy on a regular basis a couple of years later. He had two kids, I had one. I thought this would be the family I had always longed for.

I became pregnant again. I was thrilled. I thought this time, the father would not abandon me. I thought I had finally found happiness. After sharing this with him and a couple of close friends, my horror began. He did not want the baby. My friends said,