I want to share with you how abortion affected my life badly.
It’s been a month, to be exact, and I’m ready to talk about it.

It was just last month, exactly this date of last month
I knew I was 6 weeks pregnant and I’m only 17…
Like all other girls on this site… I posted some questions and advice on what to do and what is good and right…
But my boyfriend wants an abortion. He told me that we couldn’t be together if I continued the pregnancy
and it’s just gonna ruin everything… My life and his life…
It’s not that easy, finances, time, and future…
That time I was agreeing with what he said, that he’s right…
But there were times I must keep my first child..
My grandma, my mom, and my auntie was teenage moms..
and looking at what they been through was hard..
Doing it all by themselves. I was like no way to be like that…
But they was strong and kept us, me, and my cousins.
I was like I must do the right thing.. I don’t want them to be disappointed for being pregnant, that they told me and let me learned their mistake but they just say its hard
and never tell me that they regret keeping us…
I thought of my boyfriend’s parents too.
How would they react, and how will be disappointed
and pissed at my boyfriend for me being pregnant..?
So even I don’t want to and I’m not into it, I went to abort my baby..
Even though I know how it will hurt me so bad..
I still go for it.. and that was my final decision..

Nov. 6 2009 Friday 9:00am
I went to the hospital for my operation.. to abort my baby inside me..
It was a cold morning. I remember how clear it happened on that day..
When I was in the hospital, it was clear on my mind. I’m really going to do it…
That there’s no going back, but when I was inside in the operating room, looking and seeing the things they gonna be using to me, I felt the urge to run back.
But I was stuck there in shock of what I’m doing in that room..
Then, I sat on a chair, I don’t know what it called and they injected the anesthesia and let me count. I remember the last number I said was 12.
And I woke up in the recovery room saying “Stop don’t do it” then “Call my boyfriend.”
Then I felt like going to pee and asked the nurse if I could go… After that i said, “My baby is gone.”
I was too high at that time because of the anesthesia and I was like really drunk…
Around 12 noon, I went home and slept. Before I slept, I cried myself, telling myself what I have done..

That night, I’m w/ my boyfriend and I told him that “I’m a bit relieved” …
Maybe after a few days, I don’t know, something hit my head and like killed me…
I regret it… It was my choice. I thought I was right for doing it… I was blaming everyone. I thought that because of my pregnancy, they would be hurt and disappointed…
But now, I was the one hurt and hating myself for picking them first than myself…
I hated my boyfriend that time… To be honest, it was just 2 weeks of hating everyone, being mad at them and myself…
After 2 weeks of pain, darkness, and agony. I keep telling myself until now that
I accept it.. that I choose the right thing, but Its just my mind that accepts what happened.
Its just my mind telling me I’m fine, but deep inside me I’m still hurt…
Now I don’t blame everyone that I thought wanted me to abort..
I’m trying to put back all the pieces and  think that my baby is fine in heaven..
I’m honestly being so selfish thinking that my baby forgives me and God forgives me too..
But it helps me to be so fine and not to cry for what I’ve done 🙁
I’m hating myself now that i feel I’m moved on and thinking that my Baby is not mad to me…

I want you to know that if you are pregnant now and want to get abortion…
ITS NOT THE RIGHT THING!! Maybe in a way, it’s RIGHT!
But in the end of the day, its just gonna hurt you for what you did!
And it’s gonna haunt you for the rest of your life! LISTEN TO US! If you don’t, you just gonna hurt yourself…
Like me, I thought that everyone says keep it in this site! But I thought they don’t know how hard it is… But I was WRONG! If I could ever go back to that time, they told me to keep it!
I wish I did LISTEN to them!!
BUT NOW ITS TOO LATE!!
There is no going back!! 🙁

Please Listen and Listen to your heart!