Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I was 31 when i became pregnant. It was an unplanned pregnancy as I had been saving myself for my husband, but that person was not to be my husband and I have a beautiful baby girl. This pregnancy was through rape..this hurt me so so much at the time, I was told to take the morning after pill. Being pro life I knew that would kill my baby if there was to be a life there.
The person I trusted, just broke my life in two. He is not sorry and to this day he isn’t even aware that he did anything wrong.
My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I felt like ending my life so many times, through my pregnancy. But to kill me, that would kill my baby. I saw my baby at 9wks..what a change to my life..she was a survivor full of life, I couldn’t believe my eyes! I always wanted the family, hubby, house etc..now its just me and my baby..tough going but worth it! She is my reason for living..she didn’t destroy my life she gave my life, new life..girls it’s tough but when you’re given this chance grab it, to me my daughter is a hug in pink from God!!
I believed her dad would change, but no, it was not to be. If any body is in a relationship where abuse is taking place, read this book called the “Broken Vow”. Read the back pages as there is a list to help you decide to keep a guy around. I decided this person isn’t someone I want in my daughter’s life. because he is not a good person. He is controlling and manipulating. Sometimes when we are in so deep we can’t see it, but I thank God for the insight into this now.
Before I let my daughter be the next victim of his dangerous ways, I am trying hard to forgive myself for letting him into our life after the 9 months on my own, I should have kept walking, but I felt this was the right thing to do. We would be a family and when he saw our daughter he would want to change, how silly was I. I only wanted us to be a family so that I would feel better for what happened because he took away the one beautiful thing I was so looking forward to.
The only thing today that keeps me sane is knowing that God is the creator and we are his instruments and he chose ME to be a Mother. He knows I can do it..we all can, that is what women do best! I have my baby now to comfort me, if I had aborted her I would be left with a void..we do it all together..go to the park, play games, read stories. She is amazing…Abortion is never the answer and always seek proper help if you are ever in a dilemma. You are not alone, knowing that kept me alive. Hope, we all have hope.