The 1st day I knew I was pregnant was Oct. 14. That day, I can’t believe what my friend told me… My friend is the 1st one who see my Pregnancy test and I didn’t believe it at 1st she let me see it… It was a cross line.. it was a PLUS… I first laugh and tell her it’s a JOKE… It’s not true it can’t be… But after that, my tears began to fall and telling her and myself it’s not true.. It felt the world is crashing on me… My friend cried w/ me and telling me I can feel your pain… After that, I texted my boyfriend, telling him I did it and it was Positive… I told him I didn’t want to be alone that time. I thought it was a good idea to be w/ him because of the mixed emotions I have…

I know he doesn’t want to have a baby and at that time, I was too… But Oct. 16, we went to the hospital and we went there for an abortion, but after the scan to make sure I’m real pregnant, they let me see the baby inside me… I saw the heartbeat moving and it felt so wonderful but I thought that time was soon I won’t have the baby… We just waiting for my boyfriend’s salary for abortion..

But for everyday of waiting and for everyday I feel the baby inside me, I was more loving the baby…. I more want to save him.. But I’m scared because I know I can’t support my baby alone and I don’t want my baby to not have a father like me.. I really don’t know what to do… If I’ll fight for my baby or think that my boyfriend is right 🙁

You know the 1st time I knew I was pregnant, I heard lots of bad things. They all hurt me because of wanting my baby to abort, but the truth is I don’t want to abort the baby. It’s my boyfriend that don’t want the baby 🙁

I really feel lost and everything! I don’t know….