Let me introduce myself, my name is Kimberly…. and I’m 32 years old. I have a beautiful 9 year old son, from my marriage of ten years. This marriage ended in Divorce on early September of this year….and it was for the best. I was mistreated and knew I deserved better….it just took the years of courage, strength and saving money to get out on my own and become a single mother. I have done so very successfully with full custody of my son, and things are good between me and the ex, we are friends.
Let me go back to when I was 17…..the guy I dated throughout highschool got me pregnant. I was in the process of changing from a higher dose of BC to a lower dose of BC, because I was having such trouble with it. When I found out I was pregnant, I hadnt even graduated highschool yet.
I was totally against abortion, and the father tried to convince me to have one…and I knew in my heart it wasnt the right thing to do, and that I could never live with that decision. SO, we decided to have the baby. My parents were devestated and worried sick about me.
I moved in with his family and at 41/2 months went for a checkup, to find out I was carrying twins. Of course, it flipped me out…..as it did him, and everyone. Everyone was double concerned now at how we were going to manage raising not one, but now two children at our tender age…with no education. Meanwhile, my mother was hounding me about giving them up for adoption and dropping me names and numbers of people to contact.
This is where I TOOK A TIME OUT……I went to my best friends house, spent the night with her…prayed and prayed and prayed…..woke up the next morning and had the answer. Very peaceful feeling inside and sure of what I needed to do, place these babies up for adoption to a family who could not have children…to a family who could provide these children with sooooo much more then we ever could and love them just as I would.
Long story short, I gave up my twin boys to a couple who had tried for 10 years. They are a christian family, very stable and well off financially…..and to this day I know they are doing well. Closed adoption, but I receive updates and send cards to the boys. They will be 14 this May 🙂
Now on to what I’m going through now……
As I mentioned, my divorce was final beginning of September. I started going out to a place in town every Friday night, a club/karaoke bar to get out and meet people. I met a guy….a guy who I thought was a good guy. 30 years old, very put together, in school getting his Batchelors, has goals, etc., and led me on to believe he really liked me….and wasnt interested in just *one thing*.
On November 2nd, he ended up coming back to my apartment. We had been drinking (poor judgement)….and one thing led to another. The day after, he told me he has a girlfriend and that he is very sorry he didnt mean to hurt me….then went on to say how miserable he was with her, but when he tried leaving her last year, she tried killing herself…..(they live together)…..and how he was sorta *stuck there* for now. He went on to say how he was not going to marry this girl and knew he’d leave eventually…and really wanted to see me again, but that it would just be hard.
Well…I told him I didnt have a desire to be part of a love triangle and ended it right there. On December 7th, I flew to Houston to visit my best friend and her husband for a week.
A couple of weeks prior to this I started feeling unusually tired and nauseated all the time. I was trying to deny the possibility of pregnancy and pass it off as a stomach virus.
My best friend went out and bought a EPT test while I was there….because she noticed how sick I was and I finally told her my fear. It immediately showed up positive and I cried….cried……cried….and cried some more. My first thought: I can’t have this baby! What are my parents going to think of me…..how will I support this child, etc.,
When I got home I emailed the father, and he called me immediately asking me what I wanted to do about it. I was crying and said…I am so against abortion but feel its the only alternative…his response was, Good, because I can’t support a child. He wired me half the money for the procedure and I even set a date for the appointment (would of been a week ago Friday).
As each day passed….I cried and prayed. As each day passed…my thoughts of having this done were turning into: I can’t do this, I wont’ be able to live with myself. I’m going against what I believe in……how hypocritical of me to go abort this child, after I so bravely stood up against doing this 13 years ago with my twins. It’s not this child’s fault, that he/she wasn’t conceived out of love….but yet out of irresponsibility and lust. God dealt me this card for a reason…no, this is not what I expected at this point in my life, but there is a reason for it and I think its time to become born again, pray to God to help me, and get back into church and put this in his hands. THIS CHILD IS A MIRACLE!!!! It’s conception……a blessing from God.
I began weighing out my reasons for the abortion opposed to not having the abortion and quickly realized I was only aborting this child to please everyone else. I work two jobs, make decent income, get child support from the father of my son, and knew that with child support for this one and perhaps a little help from the state, we would be JUST FINE.
So, I emailed the father and told him my decision……after two long days, he finally called me *in shock*. The conversation ended up being…..he wanted to help me financially and be a part of this babies life, and he told me he was SO glad I didnt go through with the abortion……that he could not of lived with it either. He knows I’m not interested in a relationship, but only his responsibilities, to be a father to this baby who will one day ask who/where her daddy is, and to provide child support.
Your website is truly awesome….when I started reading the stories…suddenly I didnt feel so alone anymore. I know that with God’s help and guidance, and all of the support I have with my family and friends, that I will get through this just fine..and this baby will be and already is a beautiful & amazing blessed addition to me and my son’s life:)
Thank you for listening, would love to hear back from you….
God Bless You and have a beautiful Sunday,
Kimberley | firstname.lastname@example.org
What a beautiful letter. You are right, every child is a miracle! No child is a mistake. What an awesome thing you did, giving those twins life and being so unselfish to give them to that couple who could not have children of their own. What a blessing you have been in their life.
This child that you are carrying now will bring you and your son much joy. Each child brings a new richness to the home. Don’t listen to those around you who want to give you all sorts of needless advice. I had people doing that to me all the time…making me second guess myself. You know in your heart what is right…go with that!
I’m glad to hear that the father is at least going to help with the financial side of things. That will make a difference. You also have the support of family and friends. That is so important!
Put your life in God’s hands. He loves you and your children infinitely. He only wants you to turn to Him. He is waiting with open arms!
I will be praying for you for strength and courage as you look forward to the birth of your child!