when i was 18 i got pregnant. i had just graduated high school a week before. and i was on the patch too! 99-100% guaranteed? yeah right! me and my boyfriend of a year were breaking up. he was always stoned and i couldn’t stand it anymore, but it was still killing me to lose him. we decided to ‘do it’ one last time, i don’t know why? after the break up, i got really heavy into drugs and drinking, i don’t remember being sober for more than 12 hours. i dropped 20lbs. and took my 5’7″ body down to 110lbs! i would constantly have emotional break downs and was constantly contemplating suicide. i felt like everything was leaving me. my mom was diagnosed with cancer and only had 3-6 months to live, she was my best friend.
about a month later i realized that i hadn’t got my period! i wasn’t that worried though, i figured it was because of stress. i was wrong! i took a pregnancy test and it was positive. I didn’t believe it- i was 18, i couldn’t get pregnant! not now at least! so i took another one- positive, and another- positive, this went on eleven more times!!! all positive!
i couldn’t tell him! i couldn’t even go near him! he’d think i did it on purpose- which i didn’t! i couldn’t tell my mom. she’d be devasted! she’d be disappointed and ashamed, and… she was dying. i knew abortion wasn’t an option for me. i was supposed to be leaving for college in three weeks! i had no way to take care of a child! i was still a child myself! and although i thought about adoption for a second, i couldn’t do it. no child of mine was going to be raised by someone else! i knew i had to take responsibility for my actions, whatever the outcome may be.
i finally got up the nerve to tell my ex…. i was shaking. i thought he was just gonna laugh in my face. he didn’t. he broke down. he begged me not to have an abortion! he’d do anything for me and this baby, money for doctors, gas money to get there, new maternity clothes, anything! i was so happy, and for the first time, i started looking forward to the arrival of my child. about a week later we got back together. he told me he missed me horribly and realized what we had wasn’t just a high school romamnce, it was the real thing.
when i finally told my mom, her mouth dropped, literally. she asked me what i was going to do, i told her keep the baby, she was happy to hear that. she immediately started planning! and couldn’t take her hand off my tummy. she said,” you have nothing to be ashamed of!”
i went to college til november and then came home. college wasn’t for me, at least not now. me and chad(my boyfriend) were fighting all the time. i just kept thinking he was gonna leave me again, he was just with me because of the baby. he tried to assure me over and over again that wasn’t true he really loved me.
when we moved back home, we got our own place, he got a job working for my dad, and i kept working. we made it pretty good. we had a nice big apartment, and a beautiful nursury to bring the baby home to, i was happy with all that, but not always with him. i’d cry myself to sleep many nights.
then it started. my mom started getting worse. her body was shutting down. i thought she was gonna make it to see the baby born, but she just couldn’t hang on anymore. on march 9, 04 she died. i couldn’t handle it. it was my mom. she was supposed to be there! she was supposed to hold my hand through the delivery, i didn’t know what to do. i had to remember that i had a baby coming and i had to be strong for her. we were naming the baby isabella victoria, after her, victoria.
three weeks later on april 5th 2004, my son was born. 7lbs. 8oz. and 20.5in. long. yeah, i had a boy!! the doctors lied! but i was ecstatic! i couldn’t stop holding him. he was perfect! we named him caleb david, the david part was after chad’s father who had passed away.
now my son is 7 and a half months old. he is the light in mine and chad’s life! me and chad had a real hard time after caleb was born and nearly ended it on several occasions, but we trudged through them and today we’re very happy. we haven’t argued in over a month- that’s amazing to me! we’re engaged and looking forward to our wedding, raising our son and expanding our family…. in the future.
i look at my son now, and can’t believe that i thought the little person before me was going to ruin my life. from the moment i found out i was pregnant, i stopped drinking, the drugs, and started putting on weight(i started eating again.) in the first two weeks of finding out i was pregnant i put on 14lbs! chad quit partying, too. had i not gotten pregnant, i don’t know where we would be today. i’d probably be dead. i’m am so happy now. every morning i go into his room and see his smiling face looking back at me. i couldn’t imagine not having him. he’s made my life perfect. my son saved my life, and i thank him for it everyday
Angela | peaches_2up@hotmail.com
Dearest Angela – wow!
What a beautiful story you have. I do often read e-mails that bring tears to my eyes and I sometimes have to stop for a minute so I can see clearly. Yours was one of those. You have been through quite a bit, and may I say
that some of your mom’s heart lives on in you. What a beautiful and loving mom you are Angela.
Yes – isn’t it amazing that the fear that we have before we have our baby ALL FADES AWAY when you are able to look into the eyes of that beautiful child? When we don’t KNOW something, we assume that it will be so impossible or that
the child will be a burden. When in reality – that child becomes everything to you. When you look at your baby you wonder how you could have ever felt anything like fear because you are so filled with love and wonderment.
I am so very happy for you Angela and thank you so very much for sharing your story with us at the Stand-Up Girl website. You truly are a Stand-Up Girl!
Luv Lisa
Becky and Lisa | dearbecky@standupgirl.com
