Tomorrow i go to see Chris. It’s been a while since I’ve properly spent time with him.. Since Christmas. Apart from that he only came down for one evening when I got so down I blamed him for everything and he felt I needed him.
We’ve been arguing every night – petty things. It seems like he’s so on edge, he said last night that he’s known for ages now that I don’t love him like I used to. I do.. I’ve just got other things on my mind. I look at all the beautiful young girls on here with their children and think that coul’ve been me in a few months.. I admit I made the biggest mistake, and I know that now I have to live with it. I’ve realized since coming here that so many people feel exactly the way that I do..
So we’re gonna have a nice time, go to the movies and go out for a meal on Valentines Day.
He told me about a dream he had the other night. He said in his dream he got a phone call but nobody was there, so he came to mine and I was sat on my bed, looking terrible. Looking broken. And then someone came to the door, and it was just a sort of fuzzy mist. But when he walked back upstairs to me I was beautiful and happy. I was the way I used to be when he fell in love with me.. To him, I was like an angel.
It literally brings tears to my eyes thinking about that dream. I just wish it could actually happen.. I want to make him happy, and to be happy myself again. I look towards the holidays together and the happy times we’re gonna have before having a family, but for now it’s not fulfilling.
I’m looking forward to getting away from home for a little while. His mum has a wonderful baby girl, and I’m looking forward to spending some more time with her. And Chris ofcourse! Pray there’s no arguments, but I think we will be fine.
Hopefully this weekend I’ll become that angel..