I’m 18, and around two weeks ago, I discovered that I’m pregnant. After taking a first test which showed negative, around two weeks before.

After going to the doctor and talking with him, I was told that I am 8 weeks pregnant, it’ll be 9 now.

I knew that I was pregnant, before taking the tests. Two years ago, I ended up pregnant after a condom split with my ex,(same symptoms) we always use protection. I was scared and didn’t know what to do, so me being me, reached out for alcohol and drugs, and ended up having a miscarriage. It was the most difficult time of my life, I was in turmoil about everything, why did this happen to me? And knowing that it was possibly my fault tore me apart. I separated myself away from everyone, becoming in a sense a very empty shell. To make matters worse, shortly after the miscarriage, my ex ended up in hospital after a suicide attempt. Everything drove a wedge between us, we hated each other but couldn’t leave, after a few months i hated him so much i didn’t care if i never saw him again, i need him out of my life, so I walked away. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that this was a message to me, something to learn from, my baby left, but for a reason.

Even though this is my second pregnancy, in my heart it is my first. I didn’t love my first baby, although I mourned it, and losing it affected me greatly, but I think that’s natural.

I need some help. I’ve made an appointment to have an abortion. My boyfriend is 22 and we’ve been together for just over 6 months. At first he was great, he told me he’d support me no matter what I decide to do, but he had made up his mind that abortion would be the best option for us. Neither of us have jobs, although I’m in my last year of 6th form, and we are too young. The thing is that I don’t agree with abortion. Yes, I think its a woman’s right to chose but I’ve never considered it an option that I would chose. Yes, I have given it a thought, I would be silly not to, but I came to my decision, and that was to keep my baby, or put it up for adoption, anything. I just want to keep it alive. I told my boyfriend this, and so much for being supportive. He said that he hadn’t put pressure on me thinking that I’d come to the ‘right’ decision, his. Trying not to lose it, and not feeling able to argue or to stick up for myself, I agreed with him that ‘I cant keep it and I have no choice’. That night, my parents wanted to know my choice. All I managed to say through floods of tears is I’ll get rid of it. Two day later, my mum booked me an appointment at the clinic to see a nurse and when I’m there, I’ll find out when I’ll have the surgery.

I need advice on what to do. Every time I think about the fact that I’m having an abortion, I cry, which makes me think that I don’t want one. I know I don’t want one. I’m so scared to tell my parents that I’ve changed my mind. I want to keep my baby, but I don’t want to ruin my life, but on the other hand, not many women regret having a child. Maybe the timing is wrong, they miss out on things, but they don’t wish their child dead. Also the lesson I learned from the miscarriage was that every life is precious. No matter how long it lasts, it has an impact on people, after going through that I don’t think I can live with myself knowing that its happened again but by my choice, and this time, I love my baby.

Maybe the miscarriage happened to let me know that I should care for my baby, and it happened to let me know that abortion most definitely not for me.

I need some advice.

Thanks x