m\y best friend and i have lived together since the tenth grade. her parents took me in and have been caring for me for the last three years. in those years we as a family have had our ups and downs. \currently i am pregnant for the second time. the first time i became pregnant the child was a product of rape. This time i am just pregnant. The first time i was i had a miscarriage. even though the child did not come about the right way i still wanted to have it. When the child died it broke my heart everyday it felt like a piece of me was missing. So i decided that i wanted a baby. so one day when i was with my boyfriend i was highly depressed the only thing i could think about was my child. so in the end i got pregnant. if you have read my other blogs you will know that soon after i regretted it. my boyfriend and i didn't work out i got accepted to the school of my choice and I WAS PREGNANT.  who was i going to tell and what exactly was i going to do. so i began trying to force myself to have a miscarriage and starve myself. but as time went on my stomach still began to grow. i began to feel bad for my child. i told myself what kind of mother am i that i would treat my unborn child like this. of course there was no garantee that my baby would have a father or that i would have a place to stay. most of all how was i going to tell these people that took me in that i was going to have a baby?
when the secret finally came out after a trip to the doctors one day my best friends mother was very supportive and understanding. the only thing now was where exactly was i going to stay? she told me to go talk to my biological mother about staying with her but for me that wasn't an option. so i began looking for shelters and other places to live. Because i knew i needed to be out of their house at least by graduation. The kids at school began to notice a couple of weeks after my doctor visit. they began asking questions about the father and rather i wanted the baby. I had already told my best friends mother that this baby is not what i wanted. but i didn't want the kids at school to know that i kind of figured that it was none of their business. so i began telling the kids at school that i wanted a baby and that the father was just a sperm donor. i already knew that some people knew that he had another child on the way besides mines. so i figured to cover it up and make like i didn't care about him and all i wanted was the baby. but the truth was and still is that i love him and would like to get married some day.   
through all of this my best friend stood out on the side line and watched. i knew that she felt some kind of way because she didn't like the father of my child. As the days went on people began to tell her that i said i wanted the baby. she also wa told that i said something about her parents and how they were acting toward me. nothing good or bad i just knew that i couldn't stay their and that i needed to leave. so the other night she kicked me out of her house and told me that she never should have allowed me there and that i was dumb and basically she didn/t want anything to do with me and my child. to me that was fine i didn't mind she had a right to feel anyway she wanted